"Someone Like You" 2014-08-30 - 1:41 a.m.

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you don't fucking know me

you don't

you don't know shit about shit

asshole

of course I'm gonna lose

I've always lost this fight before

fuck you and your stupid face

and so what?

who cares?

she's just a stupid bitch

I'm just a dumb piece of shit

what do I matter?

what could I do?

yeah, so what? I'm a pretty good guitar player

not that anyone cares

I'm a pretty good writer

but no one would probably read my shit anyway

I'm not gonna make anyone's life better

I'm not gonna make any mark on the world

I'm gonna work a series of shitty jobs and get fat and bald and my teeth will fall out and I'll probably get diabetes

and then I'll die alone and no one will give a shit

except my sister, who I can't fucking stand at all

I mean, shit, no one can stand me now

is that shit gonna change in my fucking thirties?

my forties?

my fifties?

at what point is it just better to give up?

I wish I had the balls to kill myself

sometimes I wish I was like A____

just a fucking sociopath who didn't give a shit about anyone else

but no, I want someone else

I want someone to share my life with

because I always want what I can't have

and, you know, the moral of that story is always:

focus on what you do have, and can have, not the unobtainable

but what can I have?

what do I get?

nothing

nobody fucking loves me

nobody will

I'm fundamentally deficient

I'm lacking some crucial piece that everyone else apparently fucking has

or most people anyway

you know what I've learned after 30 years?

all that matters is what makes you happy

you know what makes me happy?

nothing anymore

nothing but her

and yeah, on paper: fucking whatever

I'm apparently really fucking cute

that's news to me

I've got a big dick and I'm great in bed

I'm a good listener, I'm empathetic and sweet

I work my ass of for people I care about

but it doesn't fucking matter

it doesn't matter at all

no one cares

I keep hoping she will

I keep hoping that maybe this time it will be different

but we all know it won't

fuck

and then what?

just fucking....

wander this lonesome road forever?

I'm glad World War 3 is about to happen

I hope they make zombies somehow

it doesn't make any fucking sense

but I hope for zombies

because that's the only way I'm gonna matter to anyone

maybe I can be the Road Warrior

if there's no zombies

but probably not

I'd probably get shot in the head or bit right off and fuck me anyway

I don't fucking matter

and God I wish I could kill myself

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