"something Waltz something something..." 2004-02-25 - 3:15 a.m.

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I've realized that my diary has really sucked lately

I mean really sucked

and I apologize for that

I'll try to either be funnier when I'm happy or be depressed more often

I don't know

tonight's Law & Order: SVU made me really glad I'm done with high school

but sometimes they go out of their way to be depressing

I mean, Law & Order is inherently depressing

because there's never really a happy ending

for example; even when the killer was real hard to track down, but the detectives got him anyway

and the defense pulled some BS affirmative defense; and the jury almost bought it but Jack[the head DA] exposed it for the crap it was and got a conviction,

the victim is still dead

and all that was really accomplished was destroying another person's life in retaliation

but SVU[Special Victims Unit] takes it to a whole nother level

'cause they do Sex Crimes

like rape and child abuse

there's some sick shit on that show

it's almost worse when the victim is still alive

but tonight's episode was about a high school girl that got murdered

and her and her little clique were the "popular girls" and they always tormented this poor fat girl

and I just kept thinking: "please don't let it be the outcast girl, please don't let it be the outcast girl"

but it turned out that another girl in the victim's clique was a vicious sociopath; and had killed the victim with help from her friends

so I was happy that it wasn't the outcast girl

but then at the very end; the outcast girl shot another student because the other kids at school still tormented her even though that one group was gone; and "it wasn't ever going to stop"

and it's just like: "God damnit; you couldn't just let her go, could you?"

so yeah, when that show goes out of its way to be depressing, it really sucks

but the way they portrayed the high school kids was so realistic that it made me real glad to be done with that whole mess

but anyway,

to atone for my recent disgusting shallowness in here;

I wrote another song tonight

I'm real proud of this one

I wish I could let you guys hear the music to it, since it's so good

but for once this one isn't autobiographical

I like to think of it as an Edgar Allen Poe-ish tale of a man who is left by his love, and kills himself because he can't deal with the grief

fun stuff, no?

'when I go out of my way to be depressing, I really suck'

to paraphrase and self-depricate at the same time

anyway, I can't think of what to call it

it's either going to be 'Waltz for December'

which I like; but we already have a song called 'October' so...

or 'Requiem Waltz'

because we already have a song with a month in the title

[musically it's Waltz-ish; that's why 'Waltz' is in both titles]

anyway, here's the lyrics, let me know what you think:

snow falls from the sky

turns the world to white

stars twinkle as the night

turns everything black

no words that I could write

would ever bring you back

put on display

my open heart

I close my eyes

and dream of stars

footsteps lead to labyrinths

lost again and again

gone and haven't come back since

lost without return

only left empty footprints

how the soul can burn

put on display

my open heart

I close my eyes

and dream of stars

heart stopped with your release

but the clock ticks on

close my eyes let breathing cease

can't believe you're gone

this is the way it had to be

this way I'll see you again

just could not contain the grief

I'll meet you at the end

-Waltz for December/Requiem Waltz

The Remaining(maybe*)

*-[pending Ruben's approval]

the rhyme scheme's a little screwy, since the music of the first part sounded too short played eight times but too long played sixteen times; so it wound up at twelve

leaving an odd number of lines; and I liked the way I wrote the first verse so much that I don't want to change it

and the music changes drastically at the end; which sounded better with four lines of verse, which I could then rhyme evenly; making the first part seem even more skewed

I don't know

but I like it in general

the music does a lot for the song

but I guess that really, that's the way it's supposed to be, so I'll shut up now

Sweet Dreams

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