"Obstacle 1" 2003-12-19 - 2:17 a.m.

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guess what didn't happen today?

I'm so super-pissed at my "friends"

I mean, come on you guys

I have a full-time job, a stomach disease that leaves me disabled randombly and suddenly, and a car on its deathbed; and I can keep my fucking plans

we planned this two weeks in advance, the only reason you should have to miss this is either being sick or dead or that you just plain don't like me

which I'm starting to believe

I mean, I like you guys except when shit like this happens

if you didn't want to do the santa thing you could've just said so and we could've just hung out

Robyn and Misty just plain wouldn't answer their phones

both of them have caller ID

[I'm pretty sure]

makes you wonder

and Stephanie said she had to go to work

and that's the second time we've tried this and she's been suddenly called in to work when she wasn't scheduled

also makes you wonder

maybe that makes me a prick for suspecting that

but this happens way too often for it to be coincidence

we plan to get together and then suddenly everyone is too busy

never just one

all of you

at once

or maybe you just don't bother to answer your phone

when that kinda shit happens it's hard to shake the image of you guys getting together by yourselves and just ditching me

what the hell is so fucking wrong with me that you don't want to see me?

am I really that big of an asshole?

'cause if I am, just fucking say it instead of saying you're my friends and then just avoiding me

that's just a shitty thing to do

if I didn't like you guys I wouldn't try to see you every chance I got

and I wouldn't get upset when it didn't happen

but I've been blown off a ton and a half of times since we've known eachother

so-fucking-rry if it's starting to upset me

and so what if I'm being an asshole right now?

I'm so fucking sick of being the nice guy and just swallowing it when I have to spend another night alone contemplating suicide because I'm so fucking lonely I can't fucking stand it

Goddamnit

seriously, fuck you guys

I've got your Christmas presents all ready and wrapped; see you next friday

...that is, if you're not busy

Sweet Dreams

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