"Failures" 2003-12-14 - 2:53 a.m.

older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj

I really need to update my profile

specifically the comments about my favorite diaries

at this point they're just sitting there,

mocking me with their needing-to-get-done-ness

bah

I don't know

today was... nothing special

my car did not get to the shop

well, it did, but they didn't do anything so I brought it back home

the fuckers

I cleaned the spark-plugs and pulled out the air-filter today

real minor stuff

but I like working on the car

even such minor stuff as that

I put on my "work shirt",

[which is an old Korn t-shirt turned inside out so it's blank]

pull my hair back, stick a rag in my back pocket instead of the usual hanky;

and sit out there working on it to the sound of one of my dad's old Creedence tapes

despite how intentionally unnecessarily convoluted the bastards who design cars make them;

working on them is fun in a "solving a complex math equation" kind of way

I don't know

I just wish I could learn to work on them better without having to have someone teach me

whatever

I don't know

the general consensus now seems to be that my car needs a new carborator

which we can replace ourselves and is generally cheaper than a lot of other things that could be wrong with it

I don't know

I just wish I didn't have to spend my money on it

work is kind've becoming ordinary now, which I like

the time today just flew by

and looking back on my day it seems only a footnote

less than school used to be, even

and speaking of school;

I got my grade from U of A, finally

I got a B- for the course because I got a C- on the final

I literally just eeked by

I get the feeling that if I'd gotten one more wrong answer I would've gotten that letter telling me to repeat the course rather than a grade

but regardless; CDO should have my diploma ready by Wednesday or Thursday at the latest

at which time I will finally be a high-school graduate

and will get money and fabulous prizes

I'm hoping to get a decent sum of money from my grandparents, which I can then stat a bank account with

since right now my paychecks are going into my car

and that really kinda hurts, you know?

I went out and found a job;

I hold to my obligations, despite how much I hate it

I do this to finally start digging myself out of the whole I've been in for the past few years

and then my car breaks down

and the things I got the job for in the first place don't happen

instead of getting a start on a way out of here I'm stuck with a shit job added to my troubles

and although I realize the money is going to a very real issue

knowing that I'm not any closer to my goal despite my efforts feels pretty shitty

I don't know

I didn't have anything to say really

I just wanted to be talking

and if I keep going I'm gonna get real, real depressed

it may already be too late

I'm gonna go play videogames, my one comfort and opiate

Choices Always Were A Problem For You...

�

�