"Rain When I Die" 2003-11-04 - 3:53 a.m.

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she's crazy

I'm crazier

I'm starting to calm down now

but for the last few days I think I've seriously started to go insane

I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to end up doing something that'll land me on the news

like go try and hold everyone in Toys R Us hostage or something

I make jokes but I don't know how

it seems like every ten minutes I had a new breakthrough about why I am the way I am and why I'm crazy

we all say that

that we're crazy

a lot

but I'm really serious

I can't think straight

I don't know which thoughts are real or not

and I'm convinced that there's another personality inside me that wants to destroy me

I look back to just two weeks ago; when everything made sense

and I wonder how

I used to switch between feeling depressed and happy

now I switch between sane and not

I wonder if I caught syphalis from a coke bottle or something

and this is what it feels like when your brain rots

earlier today I figured out a plan for my life

what I want to do

now I've added a few things to it

wanna hear it?

I'm gonna cut my hair, grow it out evenly for a change and keep it about medium length

I'm gonna move to New York; and get a shitty little apartment in the Bowery down the street from CBGB'S; and spend all my free time and money there

I'm gonna get hooked on heroin

I'm gonna start a weird, artsy little punk/alternative band

then one day I'm gonna OD in my shitty little apartment; and hope that the afterlife isn't as painful as this one

I Think It's Gonna Rain When I Die

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