"Flood" 2003-10-28 - 11:55 p.m.

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All I Knew

And All I Believed

Are Crumbling Images

That No Longer Comfort Me

today I was presented with a problem

one that I feared would come

but one that I thought would be simple when it did

it's driving me insane

I can barely type this

if I choose one answer; it means that everything I believed

about myself

and about other important things

was wrong

and it means that I'm scum

I don't know how I can live

the other answer

the answer I thought I would be able to choose without difficulty

the "high road"

isn't so easy to walk down

and I hate myself for not simply being able to say "ok"

the only redeeming qualities I thought I had are being challenged

and they're not as strong as I thought they were

This Ground Is Not The Rock I Thought It To Be

this has ceased to be about the other person

well, mostly

it's about me

if everything I believed was real

or just what I wanted to believe

was it all just hormones?

is the one thing I thought was pure and true nothing but a chemical reaction?

and am I too weak to fight that?

the right answer is the only answer

but the fact that I can't choose it with ease is literally tearing me apart

the fact that I've been wrestling with this all day,

and even considering the wrong answer

is making me hate myself with a new and unbridled passion

and myself is not my only enemy

I'm torn between wanting to just come out and say it and wanting to keep it to myself

but for once it's not out of fear

this is something that I have to do myself

and by revealing the situation it only invites others into it

Thought I Was High And Free

I Thought I Was There

Divine Destiny

I Was Wrong

This Changes Everything

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