"You're Not Here Pt. 1.75/Tomorrow" 2003-08-13 - 4:15 a.m.

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I know you're expecting the Big Silent Hill 3 Extravaganza

but it's late,

and I'm tired

and that's gonna be a shitload of typing

I'll do it tomorrow, I swear

I want to do it now, but tonight's entry is going to be a ton of typing; and I don't want to add that whole deal into it

so I'll get to it tomorrow

maybe I'll do it during the day instead of when I usually update

we'll see

I did beat the game as promised; but I'll talk about that at the end

mostly I feel weird tonight

so many things came to a close

The Osbournes had their season finale

[which was brilliant, by the way; my gullable ass actually thought Jack had killed Minnie]

FLCL came to an end

I beat Silent Hill 3

Sindy's moving out of her house

all this stuff is just reaching an end,

and I'm still here

it feels like the world is rushing around me like a strong wind or a rush of water

and I'm the solid in the middle with that the stream shifts around

at first I'm excited because I feel like I'm going to flow along with it

that surely the world carries enough force to move me along with it

but then I end up depressed when I realize that I haven't moved

that the world rushed over and through me and went right past me

all these things are changing and I'm staying right here

it's kind've sad

...

but anyway

I had a pretty good scare yesterday that I forgot to talk about

ever since I started playing the Silent Hill series, I've been wanting to go there

and I've had numerous daydreams of waking up and my family's gone and everything's foggy

well yesterday it almost came true

I woke up and did my normal routine; got dressed and all that

and I'm sitting in my room playing on the computer

and the phone rings, and after a few rings I'm like: "doesn't anyone else live here? Jesus Christ!"

so I leave my room to answer it; and they hang up before I reach the phone, but then I realize that the house is empty

there wasn't anyone in the living room, kitchen, or dining room

so I go back to the bedrooms, and no one's back there either

I check the counter, where usually they leave a note if they're going somewhere

and there is none

so at this part I start to become concerned

I looked out in the backyard and nobody was there

so I went out in the frontyard, and all the cars were there

I walked around back and double-checked

the bikes were still there(even though nobody goes for bike-rides at my house anymore)

I even checked on the roof

I knew they didn't go for a walk because the dog was home

and they always take the dog when they go for a walk

and I was starting to get worried because nobody knocked on my door or said anything to me

so I called both my parent's cell phones and neither of them were on

so I went out in the living room to think

and I notice my dad's PS2 is on

I turn on the tv, and sure enough; my dad left it paused in the middle of the race

but since he turned the tv off; that meant he went somewhere, he didn't just vanish into thin air in the middle of a race

so then I try the only thing I could think of: I called my cousin(who lives right around the corner) to see if my parents were over there to see the new baby

[it's complicated. My uncle married this woman, but they divorced; so I don't think she's even related to us anymore; but their kids live with her(or actually just the one, now). And she just had a baby. That's why we wouldn't've seen it before.]

the reason I didn't try sooner is because I was sure they would've knocked on my door or asked me if I wanted to go or at least left a note before they left

luckily they were over there

but I was thinking and laughing to myself: "good thing it wasn't super-foggy out or I would've been roaming the neighborhood with one of those wooden planks with nails through them that my dad has"

[we have a firepit in my backyard; and my dad brought home a bunch of lumber to use as firewood. I was supposed to take the nails out and cut it into smaller pieces, but I never did. We never build fires anymore anyway.]

some neighbor would've come out and been like: "hey, you kid! What are you doing roaming the neighborhood with a fucking wooden plank with nails through it?!"

and I would've retreated to my house in shame

so that was pretty damn funny

when it happened, anyway

moving on,

I wanted to mention: I'm making way too big a deal out of my whole "varied influences" thing I was talking about yesterday

although I love all kinds of music; and still love Motorhead and White Zombie and bands of that nature

but for the past few years my tastes have been steadily softening; and even though I listen to hard bands on occasion,

after a while the feeling fades and I'm back to listening to the soft stuff

so I was just making too big a deal out of it; like I usually do

anyway,

here's tonight's Silent Hill 3 update

by the way, the reason the entries lately have been titled "You're Not Here" is because that's the title of a song on the soundtrack to Silent Hill 3(that will also be explained tomorrow) and is the song they play during the little intro-movie

the reason I keep titling entries that is because each day I keep meaning to have things mostly Silent Hill 3 related

it was supposed to be just "Pts. 1 + 2" but since I'm being a dick and dragging things out; it's ending up being "1.5 and 1.75" and all that

I'll try hard to get things over with tomorrow

and we'll have regular entry titles again

so yeah

as usual; there's spoilers ahead

they're not as big as the ones from the past few nights, but they're still spoilers

you've been warned

***

OK, like I said, I beat the game

and it was revealed that not only A)Alessa was never evil, at all; but B) there was no real difference between 'Heather' and 'Alessa'

Alessa just kinda got her age reset at a certain point

at the end of the game, though, she decides that she doesn't want to be called Heather, she wants to be called 'Cheryl' because that's 'the name her dad gave her'

and while I do (greatly)appreciate the devotion to Harry; I think Alessa's a much better name

(I'll talk more about the ending and everything tomorrow)

but after you beat the game, the biggest cheat you unlock are alternate outfits

since all the game's movies are the kind where it's done with the in-game graphics

there's none of the usual "alternate outfit for most of the game; but when important stuff happens you're suddenly in the default outfit"

which is what makes it cool

most of the outfits are just blue jeans and a t-shirt

(compared to the outfit she was wearing before; a mini-skirt with a big padded vest)

where the t-shirts vary

but the two best are:

one called "Princess Heart" which transforms you, Sailor Moon-style(complete with out-of-place cinema) into a whole different costume with like, hearts and these weird earmuff/headphone thingies

it's hilarious

but the coolest is this one called "God of Thunder"

I was hoping it would be a KISS t-shirt; but it turned out to be better

the jeans are dark brown, and the shirt is this odd, beige-ish color with pictures of (what is assumed to be)Raijin; the Japanese God of Thunder

but the cool part is: her arms are almost completely covered in these weird tattoos(just some design, nothing specific), her hair is died silvery-blue, she's got blue lipstick on, and she's much paler

the first time I saw the outfit the light was real dim and I almost thought she was the monster version of herself that you run into later in the game(tomorrow, I swear...)

it looks fucking sick

I never, ever restart a game the night I beat it

but I couldn't resist playing with her looking like that

it was just cool looking

the game has to go back tomorrow; and I'm content to wait until the next time I get ahold of it to play through it all the way

but it was cool to get started seeing her communicate with other characters and such looking like that

if the Silnet Hill sight I visit on occasion ever gets a picture of that outfit up; I'll put up a kind of "before" and "after" deal here so you know what I'm talking about

anyway,

tomorrow, I promise

Sweet Dreams

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