"The Quiz 2.0" 2003-08-14 - 6:06 a.m.

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"What's the difference between a double cheeseburger and a Dollar Menu double cheeseburger?"

today I saw an advertisement for McDonald's Dollar Menu featuring the double cheeseburger

I used to think the Dollar Menu was a great idea back when it had the Big Mac and other such actual sandwiches

then they took those off and came up with sandwiches with bizarre and generic names that sounded like they would be dangerous to ingest

but now it had the double cheeseburger again

and since my mom worked through dinner time today; there would be no family dinner

and having a working automobile and a dollar, and living pretty damn close to a McDonald's;

I figured it would be a nice, thrifty, un-time-consuming idea to pick me up a double cheeseburger

at the drive through I noticed on the menu they had the double cheeseburger listed as being $2 and something; but it was also on the Dollar Menu

and I found myself thinking: "what's the difference between a double cheeseburger and a Dollar Menu double cheeseburger?"

I ordered a "Dollar Menu double cheeseburger" just to make sure I would only have to pay a dollar

when I got home and unwrapped the thing; it seemed different than normal, but I figured it was just my imagination

but I still found myself thinking: "what's the difference between a double cheeseburger and a Dollar Menu double cheeseburger?"

at about 4 AM I got violently sick;

and as I sat on the toilet I found myself thinking: "what's the difference between a double cheeseburger and a Dollar Menu double cheesebruger?"

the only conclusive answer I got was:

"NEVER ORDER ANYTHING FROM THE DOLLAR MENU!"

you're not being thrifty, you're being stupid

food from McDonald's is toxic enough; if they're only charging you a dollar to eat it...

you're better off eating food off of your floor or from between your couch cusions

anyway, now my bowels are empty; but I still feel like shit(no pun intended)

I can't sleep,

and I don't feel like starting anything gigantic

which is why once again the Big Silent Hill 3 Extravaganza is being postponed

I had genuinely planned to do it tonight

I also had some stuff to talk about that would've made for a decent regular entry

but those plans were interrupted by some seriously agonizing pain

to be fair it wasn't all the Dollar Menu Double Cheeseburger Of Death

every once in a while I get these "attacks" which are the most painful things ever

I mean, I've been party to a great many painful things in my life

more than half of which were probably self inflicted

but nothing compares to this

I can't even describe it

I've thought about mentioning it in here a few times;

I've come up with some amusing comparisons involving chainsaws, hot pokers, and various lengths of stretching intestines

but they all fall short

the only thing I could think to compare it to is childbirth

but I'm nowhere near presumptuous enough to make that comparison; as I obviously have no idea what that actually feels like

so in the past I've just avoided it altogether

but now I figure screw it

anyway;

the point is that the damn burger triggered one of my "attacks"

and now I'm in too much pain to write an actual entry

(hmm, that's odd; I seem to be doing just that...)

but I can't sleep

so I felt like doing that quiz again

you know, that one that I got all excited over and was going to do every day but lost interest in?

and I ended up writing pretty much a whole entry explaining why I was in too much pain to write a whole entry

whatever, I can't sleep and it's something to do

so, without further ado:

your life has just become a movie. fill in the songs that would play during the following:

opening credits: if it's a movie concerning my life around now(ie-my teenage years): Chains by The Raveonettes; If it's biographical(ie-my whole life): Fight Test by The Flaming Lips

party scene: Talk Show Host by Radiohead

falling in love scene: Love You to Death by Type O Negative

love love scene: if that means the sex scene: The Seed 2.0 by The Roots f/Cody ChesnuTT; if that means the really romantic scene: Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns by Mother Love Bone

after a break-up driving scene: Here Today, Gone Tomorrow by Rooney

driving to make-up the break-up scene: The Scientist by Coldplay

plain old driving scene: Dead Souls by Joy Division

chase scene: How to Live by Audioslave

fight scene: Deaf Forever by Motorhead

funeral scene: Something I Can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails

closing credits: Still Flat by Built to Spill

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