"Black" 2003-07-10 - 3:47 a.m.

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man, I went up on my roof for a cigarette tonight, and damn was it dark

I mean, I've mentioned a few times how the moon is rarely out out here;

but tonight it was black

like the color

now, as you can see by this helpful chart:

when I look out at my street, the areas between the red lines are what it looks like without the porchlights of my house

where I can tell how dark it would be if I wanted to take a walk

now, usually it's pretty dark

but tonight it was black

but somehow the sky held some kind of glow

it wasn't just over the mountains in the east, like it was dawn

but the sky looked almost like there was a full moon

while none of the light was reflected on the ground

on the ground it was darker than ever

all the porchlights were magnified, making the area they illuminated look like day in comparison to the un-illuminated areas

it made for a real uneasy smoke

it got me to thinking that maybe the new moon has some kind of inverse phases

like every night there's a new moon the invisible moon goes through phases as well

and once every thirty new moons it hits a "full new moon"

like some kind of inverse full moon

some night when the supernatural has a stronger bond to reality, and witches(the real kind) hold their black masses

and all that stuff they used to think about the full moon back in The Day really happens

shit, and I wasn't even trying

somebody get me a damn budget and I'll show you how horror movies are made

but speaking of things that are ultra-black...

Shaft was on tonight

the original

damn, I love that movie

Shaft is THE MAN

[P.S. - HOLY FUCK!! Homer Simpson just made an appearance on Duckman! Holy fuck!]

I wouldn't be surprised if after you die and go to the afterlife, you meet God and he's none other than John Shaft

he is the baddest mutha there is

anyway

I woke up this morning feeling like shit

I hated myself

I hated my life

I hated my house

I hated everything

I just couldn't function

but then I was flipping channels on TV and Children of the Corn __(I didn't find out the number, but it was one of the later ones) was on

there's nothing like abominable, non-sensical horror based around a vegetable to get you out of a slump

I mean, my little description did nothing to express how bad I felt this morning

I couldn't even think enough to contemplate suicide or running away

I just hated everything

but horribly animated monsters and gallons of blood

[and the best part, the final shot of a crate of corn(just regular corn, not moving or anything) with the intensely eerie music and the blood-red cutaway shot to finish the movie]

got me out of it

[P.P.S. - about that new Spiderman show on MTV, why is Mary Jane in there right away? It was the same with the old cartoon on Fox. Does nobody remember Gwen Stacie? They just don't want to show the love interest die. The pansies.]

[adendum to that last note; I have this anniversary issue of the original Spiderman, and it has this sweet sub-story with Mary Jane called: "I Remember Gwen", it was pretty cool. Stupid new things.]

anyway, as you can tell, I'm in a good mood now, which is why i'm rambling like a jackass about random things

...and coming up with needlessly dramatic prose about how dark the night is tonight

anyway;

Sweet Dreams

Hey...oooh...

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay

Were laid spread out before me as her body once did

All five horizons revolved around her soul

As the earth to the sun

Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything

Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore

And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds

Of what was everything

Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside

I'm surrounded by some kids at play

I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear

Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head

I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning

How quick the sun can, drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass

Of what was everything

All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

All the love gone bad turned my world to black

Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll ever be...yeah...

Uh huh...uh huh...ooh...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star

In somebody else's sky, but why

Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?

-Black

Pearl Jam

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