"Dellamorte, Dellamore; Of Death, Of Love" 2003-06-30 - 4:02 a.m.

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every once in a while(more frequently I might add) I get like this

my life just starts to feel like a box

all the things I have to do

all the things I do

my friends

my family

even things I like

and it feels like it gets smaller and smaller

and I just feel so trapped and strangled

if I may take an example from Sandman;

I feel like I think Morpheus must've felt around the end

he'd set himself in his ways, and he was sick of them

but he couldn't let himself change

and so he chose death

but I don't have that option

I've proven to myself I don't have the strength

and as much as I wish for it, there is no outside circumstances that I can let happen

there are no Kindly Ones coming for me so I can just let them get me

it's either do it myself or live

and damn do I hate living

relax, the whole point of this is I can't kill myself

but I'm just so sick of everything

even things that are new to me

but I never learned how to change

in the constant changing that has been my life, I never quite got the hang of it

but I won't let myself do anything but what I'm doing

in the immortal words of Fransisco Dellamorte:

"I'd Give My Life to be Dead"

Sweet Dreams

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