"Let's Dance" 2003-06-29 - 4:33 a.m.

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first: freakscene.net works again

I deleted the part of my last entry saying it didn't work, but I just wanted to be clear about it

the rest:

lately I've noticed(and really dug) how back in The Day, when David Bowie was dressed up as Ziggie Stardust he still played an accoustic guitar

I just love how he had on these leather and sequin-ey outfits, with the makeup and the poofy hair

but yet he's playing this simple wooden accoustic guitar

it was just a nice contrast

anyway, on a quasi-related note

lately it has come to my attention that I'm literally unable to write hard songs

don't get me wrong, for the past (I think a little less than a)week, I've had writer's block(again)

but I just can't write hard songs

and I really wanna play hard songs

so I'm thinking that if I want to play hard songs; I'm probably going to have to find a guitar player who can write hard songs

and then end up either playing bass

or just singing

now considering that I quit playing bass in the first place because I couldn't write songs on it

I might just end up being solely a vocalist

which, ultimately, is what I want to do anyway

I mean, I like playing instruments(guitar or bass)

but I really want to be just the singer

like Layne Staley or Joey Ramone or Maynard or Ian Curtis

I'm influenced by a lot of people, but of my main influences, the only one who plays guitar is J Mascis

4 out of 5 just sing

but I've never been sure if I'm good enough to do that

but lately I've realized that more than a few people thought I sounded good back in the "old days"

when I thought I sucked

the main selling point was my sister

she heard me singing back then,

and a few days ago we were talking and the subject came up, and she said she thought I sounded good

and if anyone would tell me I sucked, it would be her

if anything she'd tell me I sucked even if I was good

but apparently she thought I was good

now if I think I sucked back then, but I think I'm good now

and if everyone else thought I was good back then

then it would just stand to reason that I'm really good now

but I'm never one for confidence of any kind

I don't know

I'd really like to be just the singer,

but I'll have to wait and see how well I end up writing and who I can get to play with me

I'm not worried about the lyrics

because lyrics can conform to the music behind them

just look at Staind

they have lyrics even more depressing than mine

and most of their songs(other than their radio releases, mind you. For some reason all their soft songs get released as singles while the rest of their stuff is really hard. I don't think they've had a really hard radio hit since Mudshovel) are pretty hard

although ironically I've noticed that I can't write a genuine love song

normally my songs stem from experiences and feelings I've had,

but not romance

I can write a song(Perfect From Now On) about a dysfunctional relationship

despite the fact that my sole relationship was pretty good, while it lasted

and I can write a song about the end of a relationship(The End of a Beautiful Thing)

despite the fact that my relationship ended so clean and quick one might almost call it 'clinical'

but I can't write a song about a nice, happy relationship

even though my relationship was happy(mostly)

and my feelings of love for others are very pure and genuine

I don't know

my songwriting skills have only been getting better, so we'll have to wait and see

Sweet Dreams

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