"Glycerine" 2003-04-25 - 2:59 a.m.

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Man, I'm going insane.

Stephanie said she might have time for me this weekend

God, I hope so

'cause I really need to hang out with someone

and my choices are either her or Misty, and I don't think I'm up to calling Misty just yet

I wish we could spend all weekend together

get some people together,

just hang out like we used to do

watch movies, walk around Toys R Us,

whatever

but I need to be out doing something,

and I need to be doing it with someone

I think I may end up calling Mariah & Pals this sunday just because if I don't then I might end up on a killing spree

I don't know

I just need friends

and money

and a girlfriend

and a new guitar

and a pony

or possibly a unicorn or pegasus, or whatever those half horse/half fish things were called

[don't you dare say "Seahorse"; there's a mythological creature that has the top half of a horse and the tail of a fish; it starts with an "E" but I can't remember what it was called]

or maybe a Centaur, that would solve all my problems

then I'd have a friend and a pony

but seriously, folks

today sucked

I went to see my stomach specialist today

it was supposed to be simple, I would drive over there by myself, see him, have a smoke on the way home; and be home by 2:15

2:30 if I dropped off my new perscription

but noooo

my mom decided she wanted to go

so I couldn't smoke

then after that she decides she wants to go grocery shopping

we went to Wal-Mart, 'cause she works there and had to get her check too

and I've never seen so many fat people on scooters

plus I saw a guy in acid washed jeans, and this creepy middle-aged woman who kept going out of her way to stand uncomfortably close to me

so that took for ever

then she went to cash her check

then she went the long way to get to Walgreens to drop off my perscription

so I didn't get home 'till almost 4 O'Clock

and I had to spend 3 and a half hours with my mom

by the time we pulled into our driveway I was having daydreams about beating her senseless with a lead pipe

bah

and the specialist

who is, by the way, the single most annoying asshole of a doctor I've ever had

at least today he finally had to concede that I was sick

but he did it so begrudgingly

like: "you're just barely sick. Barely. On a scale of 1-10, you're a .5"

and I wanted to disembowel him

yeah, I'm so un-sick that I had to drop out of school and I haven't been able to find a job

I want to just brutalize him in a dark alley

leave him looking like No-Face from Twisted Metal: Black

anyway

the doctor told me that I have Crohn's Disease

now, to understand why that warrants having him killed,

you have to know that after I got the colonoscopy done, he called me a week later and said that they didn't find anything

now two months later he tells me that they did find something

fucker

so yeah, apparently they have treatment they can give me

and even though it means I'm going to be taking a ton and a half of pills every day,

hopefully it'll make me feel normal

and if it really can do that, it's worth putting up with all the shit the specialist gives me

hell, it's a steal

I am curious, though, about what exactly it is that Andru-

[Stephanie's sister Erin's friend]

-had

because they thought he had Crohn's Disease up until the last time he was in the hospital; and then they found out that he had something that was very similar to Crohn's Disease, but was curable

where as Crohn's Disease is apparently just treatable

so whatever

I'll settle for treatable,

it's definitely a step up from Irritable Bowel

but I'm curious as to see if I can get curable

the course of the day may have sucked, but all in all I got some very good news

the downside, on the other hand,

is that Sunday my aunt arrives

now, as I mentioned in an entry a while back,

my aunt is the embodiement of everything I don't like about my mom, and nothing I do like about her

it's gonna suck having to spend a week with her

but if I'm lucky I can get her to spoil me with a new guitar or maybe some musical equipment

at the least I'm sure I can get some CDs or maybe a t-shirt or two out of her

but I'm setting my sights high

when I turn on the charm, I can get damn near anything I want out of people

I don't use The Charm that often, and never on my friends,

because with great power comes great responsibility,

and I respect my friends too much to try and weasel things I want out of them

it's just a sleazy thing to do

but for aunts that rarely ever see me and that I'm not super-fond of,

what can I say?

I got things I want

but seriously(again)

I finally got Freak Scene started

it wasn't really that I was intentionally putting it off,

I just kind of didn't think about it

it was wierd

anyway, so I got it started, and I'm really proud of what I've got so far

[about a page and 6-or-7/8]

and I wish I had a scanner so I could show you nice people

but the scanner we had broke

and my dad hasn't bought a new one yet

so to sum up:

Going crazy, need friends;

today sucked;

found out I have Crohn's Disease, getting meds;

my aunt's coming, hopefully I can persuade her to buy me things;

got Freak Scene started, proud of progress to date

Sweet Dreams

Must be your skin

I'm sinking in

Must be for real

'cause now I can feel

And I didn't mind

it's not my kind

Not my time to wonder why

Everything's gone white

And everything's grey

Now you're here now you're away

I don't want this remember that

I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by

Glycerine

I'm never alone

I'm alone all the time

Are you at one

Or do you lie

We live in a wheel

Where everyone steals

But when we rise

it's like strawberry fields

If I treated you bad

You bruise my face

Couldn't love you more

You got a beautiful taste

Don't let the days go by

Could have been easier on you

I couldn't change though I wanted to

Should have been easier by three

Our old friend fear and you and me

Glycerine (repeat)

Don't let the days go by

Glycerine (repeat)

Bad mood whine again

Bad mood whine again

As she falls around me

I needed you more

When we wanted us less

I could not kiss just regress

It might just be

Clear simple and plain

That's just fine

That's just one of my names

Don't let the days go by

Could have been easier on you

Glycerine

-Glycerine

Bush

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