"A Little Bitter" 2003-04-24 - 3:44 a.m.

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I've been thinking alot lately

when you've got no friends, that tends to happen

I remember Stephanie talking about how every Sunday Mariah, Clinton, and Amber get together

and I've been thinking maybe if I called them they'd let me join

I never thought I could hang out with Mariah

Stephanie gets real upset when her friends start to hang out with Mariah

and I always felt like hanging out with Mariah would be betraying Stephanie

and I could never do that

but lately Steph hasn't been around

I don't know

I've got no delusions about becoming real close with Mariah and Pals

I don't even like Mariah that much

but at least it would be someone

I went and got accustomed to having friends

and now my Loner status no longer comforts me,

but I still couldn't do it

I could never betray Stephanie

and even if I'm going insane I'm not going to do that

of course there's always Misty

she may not want to date me, but she still wants to hang out with me

she said so herself

but I don't know

I guess it really boils down to that I'm not completely over being rejected by her

and then there's Jinx

I can't accept what Stephanie said she said

she must've just said that for Cody

Jinx always seemed to genuinely like me

she couldn't've been just being polite

I mean, sure, we were never "Bestest Friends"

but as far as people that I only saw at school,

she was probably the closest to me

I know that she likes Cody

probably more than me

but I can't believe she would just completely turn her back on me just because Cody said so

I mean, I can understand how sometimes it must look like I'm coming on to her

[ie-asking her to go see a movie with me. I really should've mentioned I was trying to get other people to go.]

and that would understandably creep her out

but I just can't accept that she was just being polite all those times

and of course,

in keeping with my standard spinelessness,

I can't just call her and ask her outright

I don't know

it just pisses me off so bad that Cody suddenly decided he hates me; and that everyone likes Cody more than me

and I can see Cody actually saying: "OK, nobody talk to Brett anymore"

it just bothers me

I mean, it's really not my fault that I'm not into guys

I thought I was for a while, and I'm sorry if I got his hopes up;

but what the fuck am I supposed to say?

he seemed fine with it for months afterwards, what just suddenly made him decide to change his mind?

bah

I hate people

Sweet Dreams

How the mind does shout for rest

When the bodies shaken, yeah

Oh the tightness in my chest

Still your leaves I'm raking

Lord is this a test

Was it fun creating me?

My god's a little sick

And he wants me crazy

Who

Are you

Who can say

It's ok to live through me?

Live to be

Part of me

You're a wrinkled magazine

Yeah

Was it something that I said?

Was it how they're breaking, yeah

I'm so selfish, paying your rent

While your blood I'm taking

You

Spend me

Like a tree

Dirty dollar bills for leaves

Dark in a sea

Of my seeds

And the tears on which you feed

You feed

*The body is a temple

A dormant alter

To where infantile men lie around

Itching and nibbling

For a small piece of sanity

Of which you can not give*

Shit!

Individuality

Buying pennies with my soul

And a little Heaven spent

While the Hell I'm taking

Thieves

Parasites

Hide from life

You know they'll remember me

They are abhored

In self-worth

All that matters much to me

-A Little Bitter

Alice in Chains

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