"Angry Chair" 2003-04-13 - 3:19 a.m.

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another Saturday spent doing nothing

hopefully I'll be able to find a job next week

because I'm going insane

if I could talk to any of my "friends" again, I'd ask them what's wrong with me

because obviously whatever's going on is my fault; it's not just coincidence that all my "friends" got real busy

and speaking of "friends" being "busy";

Stephanie is possibly the busiest person I know

especially for someone with no job, who's not preparing for college, and only hangs out with one or two people

obviously I dont' know that much about her life anymore

I haven't seen her or talked to her in two weeks

but it just bothers me that she can't just be honest about not wanting to hang out with me anymore

no one with no job is that fucking busy

especially if they "really want" to hang out with someone

I don't know

I don't talk to Steph

she doesn't read this

there's no point in even saying anything

I've already wasted too much space

it's funny,

I used to say that "I couldn't picture my life without her"

and now I'm pretty much being forced to do just that

of course,

I think about her almost constantly,

but whatever

I really wish I could get a band going again

I read interviews about the music scene in Seattle in the early '90s

how the musicians would get together and jam and intermingle and come up with some good bands

but the music scene in Tucson sucks

sure, it's there, and it's pretty big

but everyone's into shitty music

there's only four people in Tucson who listen to the music I listen to/want to play:

Amber, Evan, Stephanie, and Myself

and only Evan and I play instruments

and Evan doesn't want to be in a band

I've been daydreaming for a couple hours about how cool it would be if Steph and Amber learned to play instruments and the three of us formed a band

but that's not going to happen

I just wish there was someplace where I could go to meet people with similar musical tastes

like a "grunge club" or something

the only other places musicians go to meet other musicians around here are flooded with "scene kids"

it bothers me

of course I could just be a solo act

get up on stage with my accoustic guitar and sing all by myself

but that's not what I want to do

I want to be part of a band

stupid everything

I Hate Myself and Want to Die

Sweet Dreams

�

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