"Nothin's goin' on" 2003-04-14 - 2:55 a.m.

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Stephanie responded to my comments from last night; and she said some very hurtful things that reminded me just how bad my life is.

I took the time and force of will to respond rationally; then spent hours being super-pissed

then spent hours being emotionally crushed

she spent hours at Catherine's birthday party

*sigh*

I don't want to fight with her

I want to hang out

but she doesn't see me or talk to me for two weeks and then freaks out when I express the slightest displeasure

she means the world to me and she doesn't think enough of me to so much as shoot me an e-mail when things get tough

*heavy sigh*

I just don't know what to do

everything I say aout her seems to be wrong, but I can't just shut up because I think about her all the damn time

I don't know

in other news, I'm trying to get started on a new comic

I was well on my way to getting Paint it Black seriously started; but I came up with two outfits(as lame as that sounds) that I couldn't decide between; and I was going to ask my friends which one was better, and go with that one, but then I... heh heh, you know... didn't see my last remaining friend for two weeks

as soon as my dad gets the scanner hooked up to his shiny new computer; I'll scan the pics and let you nice folks who take the time to read my nuerotic ramblings vote

but anyway,

my new comic is going to be a semi-realistic version of the soap opera that is the lives of myself and my "clique"

I thought of the concept a while ago, except it was less reality-based

but then I realized that there's so much dramatic shit in real life that there's no need to search for it

I'm going to try to make it as short as possible

it's going to start last summer when everything was great and then suddenly turned to shit

and then glaze and summarize its way to now when none of us really talk

it's going to be told from my character's perspective, simply because I can't really speak from anyone else's perspective; even though if I had to pick a main character out of the lot of us I'd say Stephanie

and not just because of how much she means to me

I got sketches of mine, Stephanie's and Robyn's characters done

I'm trying to decide wether or not it's going to end with my character committing suicide.

I don't know

something's telling me drawing a comic about the personal feelings of a group of people could cause trouble,

but as usual I'm going to ignore that

of course, on the other hand I suppose it's not any worse than writing songs about fights me and Stephanie have

la la la, I have horrible people skills

Sweet Dreams

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