"." 2002-12-09 - 2:21 a.m.

older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj

it's like the zoloft is working in reverse

I can rarely recall such horrible bouts of depression

I wish so much I had the balls to kill myself

I've developed some irrational fear of school

and I don't know why

and I don't know what I'm going to do about it

my parents told me, when I broke down yesterday, to not worry about it; just focus on the Christmas holiday

worry about it later

I know they're right

I should take what little solace I can get

but I can't help it

I know that all too soon the holiday will come and go, and I'll be forced to deal with things

and I don't think I can

I don't think Robyn likes me anymore

Stephanie however, seems to like me just as much as ever

and has been ultra-groovy lately

my usual method of repayment for that is offer to perform sexual favors; but I know that would disgust her more than anything else I could possibly offer

yeah, bits of humor really do not exemplify the way I feel

I can't smoke cigarettes fast enough

I wish I had a gun

smoke a .45 instead

I wish each cigarette was drenched in DDT

go out in a flair of dramatic irony

what am I supposed to do?

I'm really not strong enough to live

it's true

and I'm not even strong enough to kill myself either

so I'm stuck

whining and sniveling and waiting

and there's nothing I can do

I'm just too bloody weak

please kill me

I can't do it myself

please

I can't do this

I'm not strong enough

kill me

�

�