"Alive" 2002-10-25 - 3:16 p.m.

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everybody relax, false alarm

sort of

see, I thought I was going to the hospital today; what happened was that I wanted to go to the hospital becuase I figured they'd run tests right away and find out what was wrong with me today

my mom wanted to go to my doctor because he just got back off leave and... well... uh, he's my doctor

guess who we went to

of course, I suppose that was implied by what I said beforehand; ah well.

what happened was nothing.

well, almost nothing

he did run *one* test; which showed that, well, what makes my disease so special is that I get diharhea and constipation in trading bouts. And one of the times I got constipated, somethign got stuck there; and has been backing up my intestines for a long time. Which is why these week has sucked extra hard. He told me to go buy some stuff to flush me out; and told me I'd feel better, but we still don't know what I have.

He referred me to a gastro-intestinal specialist; which means that I'll go see him in about two weeks, run tests, then after however long it takes to get the results back; *then* we'll find out what I have

the choices are still narrowed down to what I said last night

including bowel cancer

of course; my doctor keeps saying it's probably "just irritable bowel"

"just" irritable bowel

"just" the amazing incurable untreatable debilitating irritable bowel syndrome

if that's it; then I'm gonna kill myself

I'm dead serious

no pun intended

I know how I'm going to do it; I've got it all planned, now we just have to wait and see

*sigh*

I really don't know what more else to say on this

I have to wait forever to find out just what the fuck I have; and until then I just have to cross my fingers and hope I can make it to school next week

yeah, sorry to dissapoint any of you who hoped I'd stop writing

I'll probably write later

PS-If anyone actually cared about my little bastard birthday present dealy; I'm ordering that sentry shirt today, but if you actually *do* want to buy me something -insert "I'm sorry/you don't have to/this is a bad joke" here- just leave me a note and I'll give you something else you can order