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"Inferno" 2014-10-28 - 10:23 p.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj I am 100% convinced now. this is hell I died at some point maybe succeeded in one of my suicide attempts you're either all here with me or you're just figments here to torture me I guess that's up to you to decide how else can you explain it? there's only one thing that makes me feel better and in order to get it, I have to put on a fake smile for everyone; go to someplace and do tricks for this number and having enough of that number is the only way to get more of the only thing that will make me feel better it's a vicious cycle and I see all these people and I get close to some less close to others but they never really make me feel better they're just there and sometimes I'll get close enough to happiness to have hope but it never actually materializes it never follows through I can't think of a more apt description of hell what could possibly be worse? physical pain? ha any physical pain they could inflict a person would get inured to after enough time no matter how often they switched it up; tried new things over an eternity there would be nothing that physically hurt you anymore psychologically it's the same way overt pain would eventually lose its sting it has to be subtle there has to be just enough hope to make you realize how bad it is for you "what would hell be without the dream of heaven?" the only way to achieve happiness is to put yourself through hell for it and even then it's always hollow and un-fulfilling it never lasts it's all an illusions to keep you in an endless cycle of hurt and pain because dying would be too easy giving up would be too easy so what's the answer? does killing yourself pull you into a deeper layer of hell, or does it let you out? does enduring this until you die "naturally" give you a way out, or does it just start again? is there a right answer? or are we all here for eternity? what did we do to deserve this? nobody deserves it for eternity there's nothing you could do that would be horrible enough to earn you this forever a hundred lifetimes, sure but not for ever that's a misunderstanding of the people who made religion; who didn't understand eternity there's no one who could deserve this forever � � |