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"Nothing, No One, Never" 2014-10-12 - 11:01 p.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj So G___ chose him of course. and K_____ I'm pretty sure is not interested. today was my birthday I had a total of six people wish me happy birthday It's kinda interesting knowing you don't matter I could die tonight and my funeral would be cheap and simple and unmemorable I'm human garbage, but you already knew that if you're reading this and so where do we go from here? another thirty years of people who don't give a shit? a life alone hold out for the next girl who's gonna break my heart? the next group of friends who aren't gonna give a fuck? I just wanna kill myself so bad I've got my gun it would be so easy I don't want to give in to those stereotypes about mentally unstable gun owners but I want out no one would care anyway I'd be doing everyone a favor I mean, yeah G___'s not the end of my romantic life or the end of the world but what's next? I'd be lucky to have a line of G___'s at least she cared about me for a little while most women don't even do that and friends... family whatever I'm a burden and a hindrance they never tell you how hard it's gonna be to know that you're worthless to understand just how insignificant you are to look down the barrel of a gun and then down the barrel of decades of loneliness, isolation, and meaninglessness and to try and decide which is better no one prepares you for that and then they tell you suicide is wrong like it would be so much better to live my life for nothing to shift from job to job, never accomplishing anything; moving from one meaningless relationship to the next not actually mattering to anyone you meet that's somehow better than just bowing out now? oh God, it would be so easy. just a pull of the trigger there's barely even any trigger-pull on my 1911 it would be sooooo easy why can't I just do it? I'm garbage garbage garbage � � |