"Problems" 2004-10-24 - 3:17 a.m.

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I have had the wildest two days

yesterday I went up to Phoenix to see the Pixies

and I never want to drive to Phoenix on my own again

but I'm going on the 27th to see HIM; and nobody else I know listens to HIM, so it looks like I'll have to

I got mildly lost on the way there because my idea of 'taking a map' was drawing the general shape of I-10 and putting a little star where the theatre was

but I found it

and it worked out great in that I got there exactly when I wanted to:

after The Thrills; before The Pixies

The Pixies were awesome

they just stood still while they played, which was kinda boring

but they're four of the best musicians ever; and no matter how awesome your stereo is, or how loud you crank the CD

you cannot replicate having them play for you in person

so that was pretty sweet

then, on the way back

I-10 was closed for construction

they had a detour set up, but they didn't tell you how to get back onto I-10 from the detour

so I just drove around in the general direction I thought I-10 was; until I stumbled onto this other road that I took in and out of Phoenix when I went to visit my cousin there last year

and luckily that went to I-10

so I took that back, and I must have sneezed, or messed with the stereo when I went past the intersection with I-10

but I drove halfway through Maricopa county before I realized I had missed the fucking turn

added an hour onto my trip

hour and a half drive, took me twice that to get home

and what sucked most of all: on this four and half hour[in all] trip; for some reason I had to piss every ten minutes

that sucked so bad

but I saw the Pixies, so it was worth it

then tonight,

I woke up way late

got to the practice room way late

didn't have time to change the strings on my guitar, barely had time to warm up

the amount of preperation that went into the show tonight was less than the amount that goes into taking a #2 for me

and then

and then

after we load all of the equipment into my van

I somehow got a flat tire

no joke

we were supposed to be there at 7

it was 6:50

I got a flat tire

now, there's really two theories as to what happened:

A) as we were moving our stuff into the van; there was this group coming in for a poetry reading, and I think one of them might have slashed my tire

or B) something horrible happened to my van, and a jagged hunk of metal tore my tire a new one

at the very least, I'm going to have to buy a new tire

'cause that thing is fucked up

but if it's B then I'm most likely going to have to buy a new car

which is just... I'm not going to get into it now

but as if that all weren't bad enough

one of the lugnuts holding the tire on is stripped beyond repair

meaning I couldn't even get the tire off to put the spare on

[hence, why I don't know what the cause was]

Ruben and Gabby gave me a ride home after the show, and my van is still sitting by the practice room right now

gah

but luckily, Stephanie was in the area with her suburban and came to the rescue

and the show actually went off without a hitch

I was surprised at how well the show went

the only thing is:

Stephanie taped it for us

and I got home and watched it

and my vocals sounded awful

now, I've said that a lot

and most time I have an excuse

"oh, my vocals were kinda off tonight"

but when every time I hear my voice recorded it sounds bad, you can't keep making excuses

I'm going to take some steps to improve my singing

but if it doesn't work then I may have to seriously think about stepping down as the singer for the band

I want to sing, but so do hundreds of other people; it doesn't mean I can

it's weird though; I always sound so good at practice

then we get in a position where my voice is going to be recorded; and I start sounding horrible, even to myself

I don't know

there's a million things going wrong in my life right now

and my vocals are just one more drop in the bucket

I should get to sleep

but I'm really just going to play Bloodrayne 2 and stay up way later than I should

Sweet Dreams

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