"Parabol" 2004-03-23 - 1:45 a.m.

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sometimes it's really easy to make me feel like shit

earlier today I swallowed my pride and asked my mom to borrow money to see the Strokes

she told me that she and my father are thinking that when I turn 20; they're going to stop giving me gas money and paying for car insurance and start charging me rent to live here

which was an interesting response

but I don't know what it does more:

hurt me, or piss me off

why don't they just say they're going to kick me out if I don't have a job by the time I'm 20

it's less pretentious

God that pisses me off

as soon as I can afford to pay rent; I sure as shit am not gonna be paying them

I'm gonna find somewhere worth my money to live

it just amazes me that after 19[almost 20] fucking years, they still think that threatening me is a good way to motivate me

don't they pay attention at all?

don't they care enough to learn a Goddamn fucking thing about me?

they want what they want

fuck

it's not like I don't want a job

it's not like I'm happy being poor and living with my parents

having to beg for gas money so I can make it to band practice

it's the kind of thing that makes me want to kill myself just to get back at them

but luckily I'm not that stupid

God, it just hurts

I don't know

Sweet Dreams

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