"Failure" 2004-03-16 - 1:53 a.m.

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I feel really shitty tonight

one of those deep, black depressions that I always think I'm over until one hits

every time I talk to my parents it feels like they're just screaming at me about how much of a loser waste I am

even when they're making jokes about something

it feels like they're always thinking about how big of a failure I am when I'm around them

and I just can't get my lyrics out of my head:

"no matter what I do

I'm a failure to you too"

it's so fitting because I wrote it about this

ha

I hate letting other people get to me so bad

even if they are my parents

no one should have this much power over someone else

gah

and if I didn't feel like shit already

I hit a cat on the way home from practice

it ran out into the street to the side of my car, and ran under it; so the only thing I could do was pray it dodged the rear tires

but it didn't

I just keep hearing that "thud" over and over

and as if I didn't feel bad enough about killing the poor cat; I can't shake the thought of some little kid waking up tomorrow and saying: "Mommy, where's Mr. Whiskers?"

that'll make you feel like shit

and the only person I want to talk to doesn't have the internet anymore

sometimes, life just sucks

Sweet Dreams

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