"Heavy" 2003-03-10 - 4:00 a.m.

older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj

tomorrow(/today) I'm going to call my therapist and ask her how I go about getting disability

then I'm going to do it

I find myself afraid

the disability itself is just anxiety

"will I qualify?" "will it be enough to live on?"

are the two main concerns

the main thing is that this is the first step in the rest of my life

this is admitting that my life will always be like this

always

that's a big thing

to admit that I can't really schedule anything because I don't know if I'll get sick or not

to admit I'll be having stomach pains on and off on a daily basis for the rest of my damn life

and it's more than that

I had always thought I'd meet a girl at school, or work, or at a show

and even though I plan to try my damndest to still be in a band and play live; that's iffy

and needless to say; school and work are out

I'll just have to hope someone starts talking to me at the mall or something

since I never have the courage to approach anyone

it's pretty heavy

I don't know

I don't deal well with anticipation

Sweet Dreams

�

�