"Bad Dream" 2002-11-06 - 5:38 a.m.

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I've just awoken from a nightmare

I feel much more disturbed than I should

the actual dream had to do with zombies overrunning the city; and my family had to pack up our stuff and leave(where the hell we were going I had no idea); and I was trying to pack up just the bare essentials that I needed. But I couldn't find them. Somehow my room was organized different than I've ever had it, all my stuff was there but I couldn't find any of it. Well, I found some stuff, some stuff that I don't even think I can find in my room now, but I couldn't find what I was looking for.

Overall that's not real disturbing. I think about that kind of stuff when I'm awake for fun.

Hell; I even have a plan for if zombies should ever overrun the city.

But for some reason when I woke up this morning(yeah, look at the time this is posted) I was much more disturbed than I should've been, all things considered.

Then I went to go to the bathroom, and my dad was up, getting ready for work.

Hell, I didn't even see him; the light was too bright from the kitchen, I shielded my eyes until I made it into the bathroom.

But ever since I've been little; my dad's had to go to work early as hell in the morning.

Brett getting up to go to the bathroom; the light on in an otherwise dark and empty house; the tv on some news program; what looks like night even though the clock says it's morning

childhood half-memories that don't seem wrong in any way that somehow leave me feeling unsettled in the deepest way...

average memories with terrible feelings attached

I don't even know what they are

my dad never even talks to me when I wake up that early; and I don't want to talk

he's just going to work

[yeah, the reason I'm writing this is to try and find out why the hell simple memories and a nightmare that's not really out of the ordinary from what I consider fun normally have left me feeling more disturbed and unsettled than anything else I've ever experienced]

I'm scared

I don't know why

but the combination of those two things have left me unsettled beyond everything

nothing seems the same as it was when I went to sleep

hell; I'm even feeling like I've got a head cold instead of a stomach disease

all of you seem distant

something's wrong but I don't know what

logic's telling me nothing, and I've learned that in these situations logic's usually right

I'm too paranoid

but, even if nothing's wrong

something's definitely not right

I...

can't think of a way to end this

something's telling me not to; this feels like I'm talking to my friends, even though they're not talking back, and in point of fact are sleeping and won't read this until later; but even with that knowledge I'm hesitant to leave this feeling of comfort to try and get back to sleep by myself

alone with my feelings

...

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