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"The Last Pale Light In The West" 2014-09-01 - 3:01 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj even though this is all about G____ it really has nothing to do with her this is all about love I really love G____ but I really loved L____ and I really loved S_____ and if G____ rejects me too, I'm sure there'll be another chick I love but I don't know this really feels like the big one I guess the other ones did too, at the time but this really feels different I guess they all do but this really has nothing to do with G____ if this doesn't work, then love really is a lie I really don't see the point in trying if this doesn't work I guess I said the same thing after S_____ and after L____ it's just so ironic guys make fun of girls for being too emotional but guys really do mate for life and girls just try it on and leave it look at feminist manifestos it's all "if a woman says no, leave her the fuck alone" it's all so emotionless and look, I'm not trying to force myself on anyone I don't feel entitled to anything if G____ didn't have feelings for me too I'd have given up but the truth is if she gives up on me too then I guess I'm just gonna have to look at women as pairs of tits with a wet spot because those are the guys that are always succesfull and if I can try this hard for a woman and it doesn't matter what could I possibly do? what in the fuck could I possibly offer a woman that I haven't offered her that could possibly matter? and I'm trying not to tell her this, because it's way too high pressure but that's the truth in my diary if G___ doesn't want me, I don't know how to look at women anymore I've said for a long time that men and women are equal and I have a pretty low opinion of men if G___ doesn't love me then love isn't real and I guess women are just whatever a pair of tits that can maybe get me off and I don't want to look at the world that way I guess that's my problem I put women on a pedestal I think they're so special and I offer up my heart every time and it just gets broken over and over I just don't know how you all can do it how you can look at the world and see all these potential relationships and accept that each one is maybe great and maybe not how you can just be ok with that how you can deal with the hurt each time it doesn't work it makes me feel like I'm not human I can't handle it I feel like that's my flaw that's what every woman sees is that I look at every potential relationship like "the one" and... you're not supposed to do that normal people they just go out looking to fuck someone and if it's good maybe they look for something more I go out looking for something more, and if I get to fuck someone, great and every movie I've ever seen says that a great relationship is just behind every interaction and it's just not true maybe G___'s the one but if she is, then what about L____, or S____, or all these other girls? but what really worries me is: what if she's not? because if she's not it and it really could literally be anybody... what's the point? it's my diary and I'll cry if I want to if I could literally put any woman, or man, fuck it in her situation, or my viewpoint of her then why try? does that make sense? if she's interchangeable? what does anything matter? I have to believe that things between us matter because if they don't then nothing matters I guess that's unhealthy logic but if I had healthy logic, I wouldn't have been keeping a diary here for over ten years they say insanity is trying the same thing over and over again but hoping for a different result isn't that what dating is? I mean, really? is everyone just certifiably insane then? she has to be different because if she's not, then I'm just insane I guess like anybody else goddamn this noise inside my head � � |