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"bloodied up" 2011-04-14 - 4:03 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj so, I bitch all the time about how I have no one to talk to well, last weekend, I actually broke down and talked to one of my friends my closest friend, to be honest turns out it didn't feel so good I'd planned what I would say if I ever got to talk about my parents and... I got so lost in it I actually hit him, proving my point I felt so bad about hitting him it kinda took the piss out of the rest of it and... maybe I'm wrong maybe it's just because I hit him, and there's a constructive way to talk about it that would make me feel better but the point I took away from it is: nothing good comes of talking about it it didn't make me feel any better I didn't feel absolved fucking being raised Catholic they build all that guilt shit into you, train you to confess whatever I guess I'll just never let it show and when I eventually kill myself, I won't leave a note; and everyone will wonder why I seemed so happy there's no resolution for me I just have to hope whatever girl I end up with gets off on beating me up as much as I get off on getting beaten up because Freud was right after all Goddamnit but yeah, I texted L____ a couple times lately drunk as fuck of course I like to think she knows me well enough to know it's becuase I can't say anything serious without my inhibitions destroyed but somehow I doubt it but yeah, she doesn't care anymore I don't blame her she was all over me back in the day and I said no and now I'm crawling back same old story I do this a lot I really think I could've had feelings for her but obviously she's over me and I don't blame her and... fuck, I don't even know anymore I should write an autobiography told from the perspectives of my friends, where I'm just a secondary character in each segment that'd be pretty interesting novel, that's a good hook I mean, to get super cliche about it: how can I ask people to be a part of my life, when I don't want to be a part of it? no one can love you until you love yourself etc I love myself two, three times a day I don't get what they're talking about *trombone fill* � � |