"Apparently" 2018-04-06 - 12:45 a.m.

older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj

I couldn’t even get hard tonight.

And yeah, I was drunk, but usually I can at least get hard.

Maybe that’s all it is.

I find her to be the most attractive woman in the world. Because I love her.

And I’d love to blame it on the trans thing;

But (functionally) without a dick it was basically lesbian sex; and I sort of felt it...

but honestly I just haven’t been interested in sex lately

I’m barely even masturbating.

I realized tonight I got everything I ever wanted;

But I feel emptier than ever.

Good job, good friends, in love, on meds; writing like a maniac and always thinking of myself as a woman;

I don’t feel anything.

Like the end of Dr Horrible.

This is literally worst case scenario.

You want to tell me we’re not in hell? That this isn’t what it would feel like?

You want to tell me not to kill myself, when even everything I want isn’t enough?

Jesus Christ

I don’t even know what to do anymore.

Regardless of what you might think I’ve always thought I had a pretty good relationship with God.

Now I’m here with everything I want, and...

There’s No Help Coming

I always knew that,

Now I just have to remember it.

This is it, forever.

On my own.

sweet dreams