"Nothing, No One, Never" 2014-10-12 - 11:01 p.m.

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So G___ chose him of course.

and K_____ I'm pretty sure is not interested.

today was my birthday

I had a total of six people wish me happy birthday

It's kinda interesting knowing you don't matter

I could die tonight and my funeral would be cheap and simple and unmemorable

I'm human garbage, but you already knew that if you're reading this

and so where do we go from here?

another thirty years of people who don't give a shit?

a life alone

hold out for the next girl who's gonna break my heart?

the next group of friends who aren't gonna give a fuck?

I just wanna kill myself

so bad

I've got my gun

it would be so easy

I don't want to give in to those stereotypes about mentally unstable gun owners

but I want out

no one would care anyway

I'd be doing everyone a favor

I mean, yeah

G___'s not the end of my romantic life

or the end of the world

but what's next?

I'd be lucky to have a line of G___'s

at least she cared about me for a little while

most women don't even do that

and friends...

family

whatever

I'm a burden and a hindrance

they never tell you how hard it's gonna be

to know that you're worthless

to understand just how insignificant you are

to look down the barrel of a gun

and then down the barrel of decades of loneliness, isolation, and meaninglessness

and to try and decide which is better

no one prepares you for that

and then they tell you suicide is wrong

like it would be so much better to live my life for nothing

to shift from job to job, never accomplishing anything; moving from one meaningless relationship to the next

not actually mattering to anyone you meet

that's somehow better than just bowing out now?

oh God, it would be so easy.

just a pull of the trigger

there's barely even any trigger-pull on my 1911

it would be sooooo easy

why can't I just do it?

I'm garbage garbage garbage