"Bring On The Dancing Horses" 2011-01-19 - 4:32 a.m.

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so, I guess this is another of those "in case I die/commit suicide" entries

I never knew what to say to you

you gave me everything, and I threw it away;

you probably were the love of my life, but I held out

I waited for door #3;

never knowing until it was too late that you were the best I was going to get

and if you ask me about it while I'm alive;

I don't know what I'll say

I never was that smart, emotionally

You'll find someone better than me, I guarantee it; I'll bet on it every time

but I don't think I'll find anyone better than you

and even though you know the address to this diary; I hope you don't read this until after I'm dead

because I will always let you down

and being that I'm still alive (when I'm writing this); in a way I hope I'm wrong

I hope that my choice was justified, and I find what I was looking for; when I spurned you

but in case I am wrong;

and I'm sure, alive or not, that I am; that this was the greatest mistake of my life

that you, if no one else, will read this

then Laura, I did love you

and you were the best I could've had

and I threw it away

I'm sure, alive or not; that you don't need me

but I think I needed you

I hope I'm wrong

but I know I'm right

if there's any mercy in this universe, you won't read this until I'm dead

because alive I can't shake the feeling that I'm wrong

but I know

you were it

and I blew it

you can do better

but I can't

or couldn't; depending on when you read this

wah wah, I'm so melodramatic

fuck, this was romantic; and not self-pitying; when I started

I fucked it up, like I always do

Sweet Dreams

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