"Cubicles" 2010-12-02 - 5:27 a.m.

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I realized something, a few months back.

I was watching "Away We Go", which is a phenomenal movie;

but one of the characters reveals to the other something important.

And the main character looks at the other main character, and it's a big moment in the movie.

And I realized, if someone told me that information now, I would go have a cigarette.

But if I had someone; I wouldn't want one.

If I was that character, I would've gone to the other and wrapped my arms around her, and that's all I would need.

The cigarettes, the booze, they're stop-gap solutions.

If I had someone I really loved, I wouldn't need either.

If she was there for me, she could take the place of both.

But there is no "she".

I'm starting to realize, and really fear-

the idea that maybe there never will be.

I don't know what else to say.

I need you.

But who are "you"?

Do "you" even exist?

I'm starting to doubt.

I believe in God, but somehow that seems to require less faith than the belief that someone on earth could love me.

That's pretty fucked up, right?

How many emo points do I get for that?

Jesus, I disgust myself... all the time

I love Away We Go because it makes me feel like I can be me; idiosyncrasies and all; and still find someone

but experience teaches me otherwise

I've come to accept the fact that I will die alone.

That angers me most of all.

princes kept the view

Sweet Dreams

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