"Daddy Issues" 2010-11-11 - 5:16 a.m.

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Every man hates their father.

Because they'll never grow out of his shadow.

Our fathers are our models for God.

Our fathers are superheroes, no matter how imperfect they are.

That's why people with abusive fathers are so fucked up; and why people without fathers grow up searching for whatever identities they can find.

But I can't really speak to that.

It's just a theory.

I love my father, and I hate him; in the same breath.

I want to be a better father than he was; but I don't know I'll even be as good as him.

Every guy knows what I'm talking about.

Honestly it doesn't matter.

There's a customer that comes in to my job, he lost his entire family to one circumstance or another.

One of his sons was twenty six years old. He went to sleep one night and never woke up. The doctors said it was a cardiac arrithmea.

I know it's wrong but I could never say how jealous I am of that poor bastard.

The kid, not the the father.

And if that happens to me, I just want it on record how I feel about fathers.

I told him how I feel, and he knows; and I know that.

But just in case this is the last testament my parents get if I'm lucky enough to get a cardiac arrithmea;

I wanted to leave this here.

I guess that's the manifesto of the suicidal:

After I leave you'll understand.

you know I should've stayed in bed

Sweet Dreams