"A Brief Interview With A Hideous Man" 2010-02-24 - 3:24 a.m.

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So, in case you haven't guessed, I just watched the movie "Brief Interviews With Hideous Men".

It's surprisingly powerful. Definitely recommended viewing.

But, hypothetically, if I were subject 61, or whatever; here's my interview:

"I don't get it sometimes, you know? I mean: I'm good looking, intelligent, funny, downright charming when I want to be. And I know you can't advertise this in any way, but I have a big dick. Believe it or not.

But at the same time, I get it all too well. I mean, girls react to confidence. That's the way it is. You can write whatever studies you want about feminism and what women want; but when you get down to it: confidence is the be-all end-all desirable trait in a man.

And I have absolutely none of that.

I mean, I've turned down relationships, not consciously, mind you, but looking back I can see there were plenty of girls interested in me that I straight-up pushed away. But looking at it consciously I can see that it's because of me.

I don't have any confidence. I firmly believe that I'm a horrible person. And I know, factually, on paper, that that's not true. But I can't really seem to ever shake that idea.

I just believe factually, the same way the sky is blue, that I'm a horrible person. And that any girl who could possibly be interested in me, doesn't know the truth.

She doesn't know how bad I could hurt her.

And yes, the logical argument against that is that women can make up their own minds.

Bolstered by the idea that I'm not actually as bad as I think I am. And I would, logically, be a valuable asset to a woman hoping to build a family.

But I just can't let go of the idea that I'm a bad person. That I will only hurt you; and you should avoid me. I see it as: "We talk, we get interested in each other, we start a relationship, I hurt you, it ends badly. Let's save each other the trouble."

I see my anti-sociality and reluctance to start a relationship as a service to women. I'm keeping you (in a general sense) from getting hurt.

I mean, what would be worse? That I ignore you and turn you down at the start, or that we start a relationship and I fuck up your whole life later?

I mean, I know it's not true; not really. But I just can't let it go.

But despite all that, I keep hoping for a woman that can see through my bullshit.

A woman that will be able to get over my issues and essentially save me.

But there's the problem.

A) Anytime a girl tries to do that, I push her away like the fucking plague.

And B) No girl really wants to do that.

They want the opposite. A man who will push through their issues and save them.

And I just can't do that. I see it as saving us both trouble if you just avoid me.

There's a Stabbing Westward line that's fairly literal for the situation, but I'll forgo that in favor of an Alkaline Trio line that's just as apropos but I like it better:"

I don't know why / I don't fall in live / maybe I know why

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