"Hardwire" 2009-10-01 - 3:18 a.m.

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I'm so tired of this.

I've been tired of this.

But as I've said: I always thought I could tough it out.

Realizing that I can't fix it, that I need help; carries with it a perverse kind of relief.

I'll be promoted to shift-lead soon; and then I'll sign up for health insurance; and then I'll go to the doctor and be diagnosed with clinical depression. And I'll finally get some pills that will let me live life like a normal person.

My only fears are: That I'm such a stereotypical fucking case the doctor will think I'm lying to try and scam pills out of him. Or that the medication won't help.

Jesus, if the pills don't fix this, I honestly don't know what I'll do.

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