"Early Sunsets Over Monroeville" 2005-03-14 - 6:46 a.m.

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wow, this is going to be long, get a snack

so much has happened lately I'm not entirely sure where to start

let's see; I got some new clothes I really like

which helped me, because buying clothes seriously makes me feel better

it makes me laugh though, like: buying clothes can improve my mood enough to get me out of a depression

what the hell ever made me think I was straight?

but I got an MCR hoodie[which is good because my old one was ginormous. I bought it back when ginormous clothes were in style, and now that I'm into the whole tight-clothes thing I felt like a chump wearing it]

this sick ass leather jacket[my old one was also too big; but this one's cool, it's not a biker jacket, it actually looks like the old coats the Black Panther Party used to wear, which rocks. Like, it's a little long, but I don't mind because it looks like a fucking Black Panther jacket.]

and these awesome new pants that match my blazer. Like, they're exactly what I was looking for, tight at the top but then almost bell-bottoms at the bottom, and they're even slit a little at the bottom so they cover my shoes a bit. I feel like Ville Valo when I wear them, which is fun. The only downside is they don't have any pockets, which sucks because then I have to wear a jacket so I can hold my wallet and keys and shit.

anyway, onto actual stuff I've been up to,

The Remaining had a show this weekend at Skrappy's,

and we practiced saturday night to get ready

and it was funny, like Ruben took off early because he wanted to go see a show

but I stayed to change the strings on my guitar, and Gabby stayed with me because she had to lock the practice room after me

and we got to talking

and they both knew I was bi

but saturday I actually told Gabby I was full-on gay

and I told her about Chris and Cody

and now she's decided that it's her new mission to set me up with someone

so that's exciting

anyway, tonight was the show

and like, we were told we would be playing second

so we get there to see what time to bring our equipment around

and Kathy(the owner) tells us that we're actually going to be playing last

so technically, we were headlining

like, our second show we were fucking headlining

Gabby got super excited but I got so nervous I seriously almost threw up

so it got closer to show time

and Stephanie and Robyn showed up with one of Stephanie's friends

so I got to see them again

but I was dissapointed because I invited so many people[by my standards]

like, Cody wasn't there, which was dissapointing; I didn't really think Chris would come, and he didn't; Kevin didn't fucking go, which pissed me off pretty bad; Leif[this other guy I worked with at Hot Topic] didn't go; it kinda sucked in that respect

but there was this other cool band from LA there named EKUK

like, I only caught the end of their set but they sounded really cool

and they were cool guys, they kinda hung around backstage with us and talked to us

and hopefully we can play with them again, because not only did the music match but so did our style

so hopefully we can do something with them again

the show itself went alright

we fucked up October pretty hard, but we recovered from it pretty well

and actually that was about the only real fuck-up we had

which for us is pretty impressive

the only thing that really pisses me off is that nobody fucking taped the show

like, Stephanie was supposed to tape with my camera, and then Gabby's friend Edgar was supposed to tape us with his sick ass, professional-grade camera

but somehow Stephanie couldn't get my camera to work

...

and then Edgar, since he couldn't get two shots to edit together,

decided he didn't want to do it at all

so he took his camera and left

he's such a jackass

like, he can't edit for shit anyway; and then he fucking pulls this

like, I'm seriously getting more pissed as time goes by

the afterglow of the show is wearing off and I'm just getting more and more pissed at him

but oh well

Gabby's friends Shelly and James got a good amount of pictures, so as soon as I get those[which could be tomorrow/later today] I'll post them at my lj

after the show I went home

and I posted a bulletin at our myspace earlier about the show

and this girl on myspace sent us a message saying: "I really wanted to go but I have no money" and I really wanted to reply saying: "the joke's on you bitch, it was free!" because Kathy decided to make it a "donation" show[meaning you get in free and if you want you can donate]; but I'm far too nice, and it's not like I have a reason to dislike her or anything

that just popped into my head and I thought it was funny

but I have an interesting story about that girl, so prepare for a tangent

The Story About The Chick From Myspace

ok, so back in the day, I started a myspace for myself in order to view pictures and shit on Versus The Mirror's profile

and I figured I'd turn it into The Remaining's profile once we got a drummer

[this was when Gabby quit]

so this chick like, sent me a message or something; she lived in Connecticut but was moving to Tucson, and was looking for friends for when she moved here

so I kinda like, not really blew her off but just didn't really talk to her

and then, Gabby rejoins the band, and I find out you can't change a regular profile into a band profile

so I create The Remaining's, and I add her as a friend so as not to be a total dick

well, Ruben sees her profile through our myspace

so he starts like, going in and commenting on her pictures, saying like: "you're cute" and "that picture's hot"

because Ruben's a skank who thinks with his dick

like, I think he's got a girlfriend right now

like, she's always calling him and he calls her "beautiful" and he was telling me how much he loves her and how they make out(and more, assumedly) sometimes

but whenever I'm like "what's up with your girlfriend?" he says "she's not my girlfriend" and like, doesn't really get defensive but just.. yeah

so despite sort-of being with this other girl, he's like, flirting with this chick online

and of course he's doing it with The Remaining's profile, so it doesn't say it's from him it just says it's from us

but Friday night he called me up at like, 12:30 after he went to this show

and we talked about other stuff, but then right at the end he goes: "guess who I ran into?" and I'm like "who?" and he kinda pauses and then goes: "oh, I guess it's supposed to be a surprise"

and didn't tell me

and I get the feeling it was that chick from myspace

and for some reason I think he's planning to tell her that I was the one leaving her those comments,and he's going to show up with her one day at a gig or show we all go to or something and try and set me up with her

which, I mean, she's cute

but girls aren't my style

like, I was actually considering it for a little bit, like "well, this could be my chance to make sure I'm really gay"

but I don't need to do that

and it wouldn't be fair to her if I tried to start something with her and then confirmed that I'm gay, and like, I guess I would just have to dump her

so even though this is all just conjecture and theory

I'm kinda wary of her just because of that

is that wrong?

I don't know

anyway,

after that I decided to take a nap, but shortly into it Kevin called me

which I wasn't expecting

I mean like, sometimes I think he's really my friend and everything's cool

but sometimes my paranoia just gets the better of me

like, for the past couple weeks I've been talking to him about buying his old car

[he got a big 11 passenger van(or some such thing) so VTM could go on tour; so he's been trying to sell his old car]

because I can't use my van for the paper route, like, the week and a half I did use it just annihilated the engine, and even if I quit the paper route today, I still need a new car

so I've been using my sister's car

and she's possesive and petty so it's like pulling teeth trying to use it so regularly

so I need to get a new one soon, and I've been talking to Kevin about buying his car[I think this is where we came in]

and so tonight he calls me and tells me it's been stolen

and like, after he skipped the show tonight it's made me a little wary

like, I guess the fact that he called me kinda makes up for it

and I mean, his past record supports him actually wanting to be my friend

and I think if he just changed his mind about selling it or his dad made him keep it, he would just tell me

but I just can't shake that paranoia

it's a constant battle of like "no, I am his friend, he likes me, everything's cool" versus "he doesn't really like me, he's just being polite and I'm the douchebag loser who keeps bothering him"

so I don't know

to be fair I wasn't always this fucked up; years of psychological trauma at the hands of my "friends" did this to me

hopefully his car really was stolen[that sounds wrong, doesn't it?]; but even more hopefully he'll get it back in one piece and we can go through with our old plan

because one of the main reasons I was buying his car is that he's a friend of mine and we can work it where I give him a down-payment and then pay the rest off over time

I probably can't do that with a stranger

and I don't have the money to just straight-up buy a car right now

not one that would be in any better shape than my van, anyway

so I don't know

hopefully it'll be found and things will go down ok

otherwise I'm going to be in even deeper shit than I already am

I don't know

Adios Amigos

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