"Brain Stew" 2005-02-25 - 7:07 a.m.

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the last few days there's been a spider crawling along this one section of my wall

I've started calling him Boris

he makes an appearance at least once a day

I think I'll be kind of sad if he stops showing up

anyone know how long spiders live?

[ok, this is the time of day when my IQ drops by like, 50 points, so bear with me]

I GOT MOTHERFUCKIN' PAID TODAY, BITCHES!!!

Oh My Fucking God

it felt soooooooooooooooo good to have money again

to be able to walk into that bank and add over $200 to my account

and get $150 in cash on top of that!

[the paper pays well]

oh

if the bank wasn't on the worst side of the worst intersection in this fucking town I would've been dancing out of the bank

as it was it just kept me from murdering several people

but I suppose you take what you can get

ugh

moneymoneymoneymo-ney

...MO-NEY

I'm so happy

I went shopping immediately

clothes shopping

and somehow it took me 20 years to realize I was gay

I've been looking for tight pants

-well, in general

but specifically I've been looking for tight pants that match my denim jacket and this one suit jacket I have

plus a better-fitting leather jacket[just a cheesy, plain, thrift-store one this time]

sadly I struck out on all three counts

but I did find a couple new pairs of tight pants

they're women's jeans

but you can't tell the difference

well, on one pair anyway

but they don't make tight men's jeans anymore

not for people as skinny as me

not even in the kids section

I kinda figured I'd have to go into the womens section all along

but I was hoping to at least pretend I'm still masculine

oh well

but one pair I found looks just like men's jeans

the other pair...

I saw them and I was like: "oh, I have to buy those"

[it seriously took me 20 years?]

they look like denim, but I'm not sure if they really are, 'cause they're really stretchy

but they're like... jeans with gold glitter in them

if that makes sense

I was like: "dude, perfect Glam-Rock pants"

if I can ever convince my bandmates to let me wear jeans on stage, I'm wearing those

[or if I ever leave The Remaining and do something with a little more glam]

I mean, I've managed to avoid beatings so far in my life, but I think if I wore those just for a regular day my own family would kick my ass

but they rock

I might wear them to the next drag show I go to

but when I went up to purchase them[two pairs of girls jeans, one with glitter] I had to fight hard to keep from cracking up

because the girl who rang them up was smiling and polite but you could just tell she was thinking like: "what a fag"

oh well

I can be surprisingly bold and thick-skinned when I want to be

after that I went to Zia[local record store] to make up for not finding what I wanted

and I'm telling you people: always look through the used vinyl section

there's fucking gold in there

I found Holy Diver by Dio for like, 3 dollars

which I was like: "I should get this because it's so cheesy" but then I thought "nah" and I almost put it back, but then I saw that it had "Rainbow in the Dark" on it

and Rainbow in the Dark is like, 7 or 8 times more rocking than it has any right to be

so I got it

[I've since listened to it, and that whole album is surprisingly good. Like, I expected it to be cheesy over-the-top metal that I could laugh at while I listened to it(and some of it is) but there's some songs on there that are genuinely good songs]

and I also found Who's Next by The Who on vinyl for just $4

I saw it and was just like: "are you fucking kidding?" [I said it out loud, too; which is extra funny 'cause I think there was this guy with a little kid in the next aisle] If I hadn't had the money I would've been out in the parking lot begging for change until I did

come on, four fucking dollars for that album... on vinyl

fucking rock

the case is kinda beat up but hopefully the record is still good

anyway

later on I went to Wal-Mart and got some other shit, including some Nair so I don't have to shave my legs with my electric razor anymore

and over the course of the day I also got a "welcome back" present for Robyn

[note to self- must find way to play Mase song while giving that to Robyn...]

but she didn't want it today because she's a chump

...or something

[just kidding, I love you Robyn!]

but anyway, I'm going to stop before I turn into even more of a 12 year old girl

my diary has changed so much since I got it

I used to be so dark and meaningful

now look at me

*sigh*

but this entry is not only manic, but sleep-deprived and at the "special time of day" too[and I mean olympic-type special when I say that]; so I have an excuse or three

but I'll change my layout soon

I guess I'm just not all dark and tortured anymore

see kids, you do grow out of it

and it's not like my life has gotten any awesomer either, so you can't blame that

God, I'm just going to shut up now

I'm annoying myself

I need to go to fucking bed

Adios Amigos