"Tonite Alright" 2005-02-16 - 6:45 a.m.

older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj

I'm getting better at delivering the paper

although it seems like every day something happens to remind me I still suck

I didn't get lost today

which is a big step

but afterwords I had six papers left over

which is obviously too many

it's normal to have a few left over

like, every day I take two extra

but with six left over; I fucked up somewhere

at least it's not the kinda job where tomorrow I'm gonna get chewed out over it

but if I really did fuck up and they didn't just give me too many papers they'll probably say something

I don't know

lately because of this bloody job I've been sleeping until 5 or 6 in the evening, which sucks

I miss Kevin and Robyn, and I want to go do stuff

but by the time I wake up and brush my teeth and shit, it's closer to like 8 or 9[I've also gotten lazy], and that's not the time to start doing stuff

I don't know

I need to wake up earlier

hopefully I can do that tomorrow

I've also talked my band into getting a 3 song demo professionally recorded at the end of the month, so as soon as that's done you'll all know

hopefully we've stopped sucking by now

tonight we finished practice at 1:30; and by the time I drove home I'd have to turn around and go to work

so I stopped at Denny's for a meal I couldn't afford

and ran into Jill, of all people

I thought for sure Jill hated me, but she actually gave me her new phone number

so that's one more person I need to wake up during the day so I can talk to

not that she needs to worry about me wanting to date her anymore

[if indeed that's what the problem was, as I suspected]

I suppose it's time I told you all

after over a year of soul-searching and internal turmoil, I've come to the conclusion that:

I'm gay

*big, flamboyant trumpets sound*

yes, yes, I've put a lot of thought into it, and I've finally realized that that's what I am

I don't know how long it will be before I actually come out to people in my life

[I actually waited like, a week or two before I even told you guys, just to make sure, and because I wasn't comfortable with it yet]

but I guess it's time I told all of you

I'm gay

I feel like after so long spent agonizing over it and going back and forth and being so confused I should have to defend my decision

but I don't

I know that's what I am

and, it feels good to be able to come out

so yeah

that kinda came out of left field, didn't it?

one minute I'm bitching about boring, mundane stuff, the next minute I'm dropping big revelations about my life

although I suppose coming from me maybe it's not that big of a revelation

especially after how long I've gone on about it in here

but whatever

I'm here

I'm queer

I deliver papers

Sweet Dreams

�

�