"These Days" 2005-01-31 - 2:56 a.m.

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so, my weekend was pretty lame

friday was pretty exciting

but after that...

I woke up late saturday

called Kevin, because he had the day off and I said I would

but my worst fear was realized when some fast food place or something answered the phone

I don't know

by now I've kinda realized/convinced myself that he either A)made a mistake when he gave me the number or B)has a different area code[he lives pretty far downtown]

because to be honest, he acts more like he wants to be my friend than my actual friends do

[well, Stephanie and her group anyway; Robyn's a true friend]

and the only evidence against him is my own insecurities

I mean, I fight so hard to get over that and just have a regular friendship with people and just be able to talk casually

but in the back of my mind is always the overbearing fear that I'm that annoying guy that nobody wants to talk to but comes up and acts like your friend anyway

so I mean, I'm fighting that

real hard

and I'm 95% sure that it's all in my head, and he just made a mistake

and tomorrow or tuesday I'm gonna go to Hot Topic and ask him about it

because it's all just in my head, and I have to remember that

...anyway

after Kevin, I called Stephanie, who didn't answer

and then Robyn, who didn't answer

so I spent saturday evening depressed and lonely

and I ended up staying up until 7:30 the next morning playing Onimusha 3

today I couldn't get ahold of Ruben

he was out of town last weekend on business

then he got a vacation, so he went to Las Vegas for most of the week

he was supposed to be back today, and we had plans to practice and meet a drummer

but I couldn't get ahold of him

so, just like my mom, I'm getting all worried and fearing the worst

which always happens

everytime anybody goes out of town, or even just any time I can't get ahold of them

I'm always afraid they died in a car accident or something

but I always end up hearing from them the next day

so hopefully this won't be any different

but I'm still worried

I don't know

one of the worst weekends I've had in a while

in actuality one of the worst weeks I've had in a while

there was no pressure, which was fun at first

but.. there was no substance

a waste of a whole week

I have to change that this week

I don't know

Sweet Dreams