"Way To Fall" 2005-01-16 - 4:06 a.m.

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I feel kinda down tonight

not for any of the real reasons I have to feel down

[although I suppose more than a little of it has to do with how badly I want to play music but can't because we don't have a fucking drummer]

but mostly it's due to the fact that I started playing the original Metal Gear Solid again

and, it's kind of silly really,

but in Snake Eater you play as a young Big Boss, who would eventually become the leader of the Fox-Hound unit; only to betray them and become a terrorist

and ultimately be killed by his clone/son Solid Snake, the hero of all the other Metal Gear Games

[well, except MGS2, but that's beside the point]

and I had really grown to like Naked Snake[so called because he goes in "naked"-without any weapons or equipment], much moreso than his son Solid Snake

Solid Snake is actually kind of a dick

by the time Metal Gear Solid rolls around, he's already quite bitter and grizzled due to his experiences in the original Metal Gear games

but Naked Snake was still young and hopeful, and you get to see him become grizzled and bitter through the events in Snake Eater

and Naked Snake is by far the more likeable, and empathetic of the two

and there's no real reason given as to why he became a terrorist, and pretty much the villain of the first two Metal Gear games

and it makes me sad that the character I'd been playing as and identifying with in Snake Eater

is not only dead but also reviled as a villain in Metal Gear Solid

and I just can't figure out why

but if they just expect me to believe that the events in Snake Eater made him turn that way,

[he gets screwed pretty hard by the government]

then I side with him, he was justified, screw the government, Fox-Hound, and Solid Snake

I don't know

these are the kinds of things that actually affect my emotions

pretty sad, eh?

in other, actual news,

one of the things I'm really happy about working at Hot Topic about;

[pretend that made sense]

is that it's really opened my mind to new music

I mean, I love music, and given a true open mind to listen to it, I'll dig pretty much anything

but one of the main problems I face

and something I end up kicking myself for a lot

is that I wind up not giving bands a fair chance because of what's "cool" or not

I might not listen to a band because "they're too mainstream" and I want to stay indie

or my friends don't like them

or they're not cool to listen to

and that's just fucking stupid

you can't live your life by such limitations

and music is no exception

the only thing that should decide whether you listen to a band or genre is whether or not it sounds good

and I didn't just realize this at Hot Topic

it's something I've known and been saying for a while

but I don't always have the conviction to follow through

but Hot Topic[and Kevin in particular] has introduced me to new music, and let me appreciate it a little more

[hence the Jimmy Eat World quote now on my profile; whereas I previously didn't like them]

so you know what?

I don't really care what you guys, or my friends, or the populace at large thinks of my tastes

I kinda liked Creed

and I like Linkin Park

and I like hardcore now

it's grown on me

I'm going to buy the My Chemical Romance album, as well as Thrice's latest

and I don't really care if you made a little "ew" noise when you read that

now if I could just get up the courage to do that with important things

[like coming out to my parents]

or even just telling them that I smoke

oh well

maybe someday

Sweet Dreams

Son, you've got a way to fall

They'll tell you where to go

But they won't know

Son, you'd better take it all

They'll tell you what they know

But they won't show

Oh, I've got something in my throat

I need to be alone

While I suffer

Son, you've got a way to kill

They're picking on you still

But they don't know

Son, you'd better wait to shine

They'll tell you what is yours

But they take mine

Oh, I've got something in my throat

I need to be alone

While I suffer

Oh, there's a hole inside my boat

I need stay afloat

For the summer long

(Break)

Left my Sweet Soul

Beneath the bed clothes

I'm not coming down.

Walls have ears but

No-one hears when

Nobody's around.

Son, you better wait to fall

They'll tell you where to go

But they won't know

-Way To Fall

Starsailor

[the ending theme to Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater]

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