"Isolation" 2004-10-21 - 3:43 a.m.

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life is strange right now

our band's first gig is saturday

there's so much I have to do before then

I have to sew a patch onto the new jacket I bought

I have to come up with a chorus for our newest song[and memorize the lyrics]

and then we throw into the fact that The Pixies are playing in Phoenix friday night

there's quite a few reasons I shouldn't go

not the least of which is the aforementioned preperations for our show

but I can't stand the thought of not going

The Pixies are one of the best bands of all time; touring again after 10 years+ of being split-up

I can't shake the thought that this may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

they were in Phoenix last month and I missed them

I don't want to let it happen again

I don't know

in other news,

I'm feeling incredibly lonely lately

I'm really hoping that I'll meet somebody at the show this saturday

I'm going crazy

I see Dayna occasionally

that's a weird situation

she said she had a boyfriend,

so if that's true then I guess it's all moot anyway

but I've kinda been hoping that either she just said that to get rid of me but I can win her over; or else they've broken up

I don't know

sometimes it seems like she's really genuinely interested in me, and other times it seems like she's doing everything but yelling at me to get away from her

it's so freaking confusing

I wish I had the courage to go a little further and see what she'd do

I wish I had the courage in general

I'm sweet, caring, smart, funny, and a really good listener

but I don't have an ounce of confidence, and that's what makes people attractive to other people

Goddamnit

I don't know

I wish I could stop bitching about it but sadly it's occupying my thoughts more and more these days

I can't stand it

writing songs and bitching in my diary and masturbating just aren't relieving the pressure like they used to

I hate it

everybody pray I meet somebody soon

that way I can bitch about stuff with better punchlines

Sweet Dreams

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