"The Dreaming" 2004-10-20 - 1:42 p.m.

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[this is gonna be a long one, get a snack]

I've been having weird dreams the last few nights

the first one was a few nights ago

my family lived in this little apartment complex

but more importantly it was some weird alternate reality

where there was this, ritual I guess you'd call it

where if the mother gave birth to a baby and gave it the same name as one of her children; and then murdered that child

it was considered like "resetting" that person

nobody knew that she murdered the child, everybody looked at it like that person was the new baby

[P.S. - somehow the new babies were born without the long pregnancy, don't ask me it was a dream]

it was a common practice and looked upon as normal and even kinda good

so in the dream, my mother did it to my sister

and everybody was all happy that my sister had gotten 'reset' and everybody was celebrating

except me

somehow I found out what really happened in the ritual

and that my mother had killed my sister

and so I started just yelling at my parents whenever I could

"you KILLED Annie! She's fucking dead! Don't you understand?!"

and the like

my dad just kinda shut down

like he knew what the ritual was all along and hated it as much as me; but came to the realization that he couldn't do anything about it, and so he just kinda retreated into himself and played videogames to not think about it

but my mom was like: "no, you're wrong, this is Annie" (meaning the new baby)

and just denying the whole thing

this dream lasted for days, or nights rather, since I seem to only remember it being night time

so I was just enraged the whole time

and there was this nice part where I stormed out of our apartment, and there were these two bullies[older than me, and I was the age I am now] who lived in the complex out in the hall who tried to mug me for my jacket

but I was so pissed that I just beat the living hell out of both of them

for some reason I remember that my punches and kicks had little effect, but there was all this furniture that I was picking up and just beating the crap out of them with

that felt really good, even in a dream

anyway

over the course of the dream I was managing to wear my mom down; like, she continued to deny it but it was getting more and more obvious that she was unsure of herself

and finally I was able to get her to admit that she really did murder my sister and she broke down crying and screaming; and the dream ended

the second one was monday night

I don't remember all of it;

but somehow I died

and I was a ghost, following my family around trying to get them to notice me

and one night after they were asleep I was sitting in my room[that they hadn't touched] trying to figure out what to do

when all of a sudden I caught this... demon coming into my room

it was this little thing that looked like a combination of Baraka from Mortal Kombat and Lock from Nightmare Before Christmas

it tried sneaking in through my window[without opening the window, it just kinda phased through it like Shadowcat]

but I caught it, and it told me that the next night, the devil himself would be coming to take me to hell

so I spent the next day trying to think of ways to avoid him, and trying to argue that I was a good person and didn't deserve to go to hell

but luckily I woke up before that night came

and I remember it was so real that when I woke up I was like: "I'm alive! Thank God!" like really seriously relieved

but the dream I had last night wasn't as bizarre

it's just that I don't usually dream at all, and the dreams I've been having are so vivid

anyway:

basically I dreamed that I went to visit Laura, and she lived in the house that my grandparents on my mother's side used to live in

[personal side note: the only house I ever really considered "home"; which my family sold after my grandparents died]

but all I can remember is us waking up and then having ice cream or frosting or something for breakfast

and then these two black, "thug" type guys came in to rob the house, but then Laura came back into the room and they recognized eachother, and it turned out they were friends of hers

they still didn't like me though

then I woke up

even just hanging out with Laura in a dream made me feel really good

which was good since last night I really just felt like shit about everything

and this morning I'm starting to feel kinda down again

but yeah I don't know

I feel like after having three dreams that were so vivid, I should be able to analyze them and find out the true meaning of Christmas or something

at face value they're easy enough:

Dream 1: The value of other's lives

Dream 2: The value of one's own life

Dream 3: The value of making your life what you want it to be[ie-spending it with someone you want to]

but I don't know

to paraphrase a line from a novel I read as a kid:

'I'm always trying to put a cosmic spin on every ball, whether I sink it or not'

so who knows?

I wonder if I'll have another dream tonight

Adios Amigos

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