"One More Fucking Time" 2004-10-05 - 4:15 a.m.

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so yeah, same as usual today

I went to the mall to do some birthday shopping for my sister today

[for those that don't know: we share a birthday, 3 years apart]

and I stopped off to see Dayna

[her]

we talked for a little bit

and she mentioned she has a boyfriend

...

I don't think I let my reaction show;

but I wasn't looking at myself

...and I really though I had a chance this time

Goddamnit

what is it about me?

it's like God is mocking me

every girl I'm ever interested enough in to actually overcome my own complexes and actually talk to; either ends up being gay, or having a boyfriend, or is so incredibly uninterested in me that they practically hurt themselves trying to get away from me

[and there's the distinct possibility that girls might be lying about their sexuality or availability just to get me out of their hair]

what is it about me?

am I really that horrifying?

I mean, I'm pretty sure that all of my readers are girls,

so ladies: I've posted pictures of myself; and by reading this you can pretty much get my personality

so I ask you:

is it really that scary to imagine me being interested in you?

do I really seem that disgusting?

over the course of my whole life there's only been three girls interested in me

and the only one that was worthwhile I ended up ruining

it's like God either wants me to be alone for the rest of my life; or is trying to keep me single for "the one"

whoever the hell that's going to be

I hope I find them soon; I'm starting to chafe

this sucks

"But that's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me

open up my eager eyes,

'cause I'm Mr. Brightside"

Sweet Dreams