|
"Problems" 2004-08-31 - 3:56 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj it sucks being screwed up even when things are going good for me I can't really be happy the last few times I've been really happy over the past few years; it's been lies happiness shared with people who didn't give a fuck about me the last time I was really happy was about 7 years ago my best friend at the time was like a shadow of myself we lived in this nowhere town and were too young to do cool shit so every weekend we would go walk around this crappy tourist trap, open-air mall type place and the boardwalk we would go to the supermarket and buy 12-packs of soda and walk around drinking them and shaking them up and exploding them over our heads like this one wrestler at the time did we would talk about videogames and wrestling and bullshit it was... magical but I've changed so much since then I couldn't go back to that if I wanted to I don't regret the ways I've changed but I regret that he didn't change in a way where we could still get along and now, things are finally starting to really go good for me; but I can't let myself be happy I've finally made a decision as far as school I've decided that it's just "rock star or die" for me literally the only purpose college ever had for me was something to fall back on but I'm not falling back it's forward or die school plays no part in that so I feel no guilt at not attending I've got a fun, easy job that, while it doesn't pay good enough on its own pays enough to hold me until I find something that does I've got enough money to get by right now which is all I need money isn't the only reason I'm not ready to move forward yet and most importantly: I'm in a band a good, solid band that I'm proud to be part of we've got enough original material to constitute a set and an EP when we get that far and I'm proud of our stuff things are pretty good for me right now but I'm so lonely girls just aren't interested in me and the only guy interested in me was Cody; and he's more or less the opposite of my type so... and that's only made worse by the fact that I can't get over the last relationship I was in I've tried, and I definitely want to the climax came and went; the credits have rolled, it's done with but I can't move on it would be better for everyone but I just can't seem to let it go no matter how hard I try it sucks being screwed up [for the shallow end of things, check my lj] Sweet Dreams � � |