"Pushit" 2004-08-27 - 3:39 a.m.

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I've kept my darker thoughts hidden for some time now.

Kept them locked away in another diary.

But...

I'm so sick of it.

It hurts so bad.

Just once I'd like to whine where people can hear me.

One last time:

All I want is to not let go; to keep trying.

But I've already lost.

I've forfeited.

It's better for everyone.

When I get to feeling like this I go up on my roof and smoke and look at the stars.

And I've always kinda regarded falling stars as signs.

A message from God to keep trying.

Well God can just keep them all tonight.

Keep them up, away from me.

I don't deserve them.

There's just no fucking end to this.

Sweet Dreams

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