"Calliope" 2004-08-06 - 4:05 a.m.

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I tried to go buy new pants today

and it's impossible to find tight pants nowadays

now, I'm a skinny guy

but they just don't make tight jeans anymore

everything's "relaxed fit" or "loose cut" or "fatass"

I might have to start looking in the "boys" section instead of "mens"

arg

nothing really happening

but something that bothers me:

I have so many ideas for stories that could be novels or comics or videogames or movies

just stories

so many just pop into my head

I feel like the guy from Calliope*

but I can never write them down, because as soon as I start; I only get a few chapters into it before I make some huge revision that means starting all over

or come up with something new that takes my interest

it sucks

all these ideas just flow into my head; and they're great ideas; but I never get them out

when a good one comes into my head; I think about it non-stop for a few days,

think out the general plot from beginning to end

so that when I finally get around to writing it down; I have to start in a section I've already thought through,

and it's so far from the end, which is the part I'm ultimatey striving to get to

it just seems like too much trouble

I don't know

I've tried coming up with shorter stories; to try and get out a shorter story, and progressively write longer and longer stories; as a way to kind of build up my attention span

but it's like my attention span shrinks proportionately

I get a few paragraphs instead of a few chapters

it's frustrating as all hell

gah

Adios Amigos

*-"Calliope" was an issue of The Sandman about a writer. He wrote one good book but then couldn't come up with anything else; so he sort of buys a muse(Calliope) from this other, older writer, who had captured her in the wild a long time ago. Well, the younger writer doesn't see her as a person, so he keeps her locked in his attic and periodically rapes her. Well, Calliope had once been married to Morpheus; the Sandman. So she calls on him to save her. He approaches the writer and asks him nicely to free Calliope; but he says he needs her for inspiration. So, in true, vindictive Sandman fashion; he replies: "Oh, I'll give you inspiration." with that little gleam in his non-eye. A while later, Morpheus sends so many ideas into the man's head that it almost drives him crazy. They're coming into his head so fast that he has to write them down; but since he doesn't have a pen and paper handy, he tries to carve the ideas into a brickwall with his fingernails. Well, obviously that doesn't work, and he winds up grinding half of his fingers away and scrawling them on the wall in blood. It was a pretty memorable visual. Anyway, he either agrees to free Calliope or Morpheus just plain springs her; but either way she's freed and Morpheus stops the torture. A convoluted story I admit; but my point is: that's what I feel like; that the ideas just pour into my head so fast it's maddening. And they're all just going to waste. It sucks.

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