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"No Cigar" 2004-07-06 - 3:18 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj I want to talk but I have nothing to say I just feel lonely, I guess "as usual" I suppose I don't know I'm faced with the classic dilemma wanting to be honest/vent all my feelings vs. not wanting to burden the other party concerned/not wanting to be whiney who knows? when "the other party concerned" reads your diary; it keeps you from being as candid as a diary is supposed to be I don't know I just figured I'd been hurt so many times one more wouldn't be so bad just "one more fucking time" to suck it up and take the hit they're always better off with the other guy continuing to fight for it would just cause a lot of pain, and even if I "won" they wouldn't be as happy with me as they would be with him it's the way it goes I'm used to it by now at least, I should be it just, really hurts this time I think more than ever before I don't know no matter how deep I try and bury it; it claws its way back to the top it's funny whenver I think of my life as a movie; I never see myself as the romantic lead I always see myself more as the other guy the guy who loves the female romantic lead; but knows she loves the male romantic lead and he's a good enough guy to keep it inside and smile and give her his blessing while she has her "happily ever after" with the lead and I've been playing that role(through several variations) in real life for years now this time it just... it's harder to suck up than usual the worst part is; even if I were to "fight for her" or whatever and I "won" and she ended up with me it still wouldn't make me happy because I know she'd be better off and happier with him I guess I just have to stop bitching and wait for the girl or guy who'll be best off and happiest with me it just hurts is all I don't know what else to say it hurts so bad and I need a place to cry about it my diary is as good a place as any I just have to keep telling myself "someday, someday..." Goddamnit Sweet Dreams P.S. - If you read this and believe it applies to you; or that you're one of the characters in my hypothetical situations and whatnot; please disregard it. There's no veiled messages or ulterior motives. It's just the pissing and moaning of a heartsick drama king. Sorry for the inconvenience. � � |