"Thumb" 2004-06-07 - 4:00 a.m.

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this weekend was like a big kick in the nuts for me

yesterday I found out I didn't qualify for unemployment

and today...

see, this wednesday some friends of Jon's from out of town who are in a band played in Tucson

after the show they hung out; and one of them offered to let Jon live in his apartment for a month

well, his apartment's in Brooklyn

Jon figured he wasn't really finding a job here; and a place like Brooklyn would have more opportunities for him to actually have a film career like he's looking for

so he accepted

he left tonight; one hour ago at 3 AM in fact

now, this is bad news for The Remaining, obviously

...sort of

see, he's coming back in a month

but the thing is; if he's successful in Brooklyn, his trip back here will be temporary

if he's not; he's back here to stay, and basically the plan is he's going to pick up where he left off with the band

in the meantime we put up more flyers and get back to the hunt

because we were so successful before

the thing is; if we don't find someone in a month and Jon stays in NY; it could very well mean the end of The Remaining

I don't know, we've got some ideas, but for all intents and purposes...

anyway

Jon's a cool guy, I didn't get to know him as well as I wanted to;

if he finds success in Brooklyn, I'll be happy for him

but I'm hoping he won't

does that make me a bad person?

like I said, he was a cool guy; and he was funny as hell

I'm really gonna miss him, and not just from a band standpoint

but from a band standpoint: this sucks

just when we were really getting somewhere

just when we found someone who was cool; and got along with us, and played the parts in a way I really liked

just when we start finally planning for our first show...

Goddamnit

this sucks

when I got home I was so depressed that I just sat in the dark and listened to Dinosaur Jr

I just couldn't help thinking of when I said: "it's like I traded my friends for a band"; and how it seemed like I'd gotten screwed in that deal

that combined with my inability to find a job and/or money; and the situation[or lackthereof] with Stephanie...

the only thing that kept me from being suicidal was the fact that The Hotline is doing so well

I really like our music; and we're talking about doing gigs before the end of the month

so at least there's that

but still...

The Remaining is my band

The Remaining is the one I'm invested in

The Remaining is the one that I really want to succeed

and with The Remaining taking a blow like this; just when things were really starting to look damn good...

it makes for a shitty evening

hopefully we'll find someone else soon and/or Jon will come back for good

I hate to think what will happen if we don't

Sweet Dreams

There never really is a good time

There's always nothing much to say

Pretty good, not doing that fine

Getting up most every day

Steppin' out, I tried to fix it

Pulled a thumb out of that hole

Give me ingredients, I'll mix it

How can you move without a goal

There never really is a good time

There's always nothing much to say

Pretty good, not doing that fine

Getting up most every day

An excuse is all you're in for

The abuse is all you crave

Sure you know just what is in store

Wait and see if I'll behave

There never really is a good time

There's always nothing much to say

Pretty good, not doing that fine

Getting up most every day

There's a time, just let me know now

When it's with you I'll be glad

That I was right there just to show you

At least it's more than what you had

There never really is a good time

-Thumb

Dinosaur Jr