"Where Is My Mind?" 2004-05-23 - 3:44 a.m.

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"strange days have found us"

my head's a mess

Robyn's livejournal entry tonight makes me want to sing her songs with my accoustic guitar and hang out with her and do whatever it is that friends do

but all we ever do when we talk is yell Simpsons/Family Guy quotes at eachother and ask eachother what we should do

we still haven't found an answer

"le sigh" as she used to say

I don't know

all I've been thinking about lately is samurais, gunslingers, and whether I like girls or boys

I should just accept that I'm bisexual

it's the best and only answer I'll ever get; and I should just shut the fuck up about all this angsty bullshit

but that sounds like such a cop-out

like I should be one or the other

it just feels like I'm being judged all the time

like all my thoughts and feelings and decisions are being judged by some spirits or higher beings or something; and they have to be held to some high standard

if I wanted to I could blame that on being raised Catholic

but that's bullshit

it's just because I'm fucked up

that's all there is to it

so la la la

I'm bi and screwed up[in no particular order]

Turbonegro's Apocolypse Dudes is in the mail[or will be in a day or two];

and by the time it gets here my tax refund check will be on its way as well

and I'll spend most of that on clothes and Hellboy comics

maybe when I run out of money I'll get more serious about actually looking for a job

but probably not

I'll probably just sell more of my stock in that weird company

on June 19 my family is going back to Toledo, OH for a week

"the place of my birth"

they asked me if I wanted to go and I said no

then I was watching The Vines' video for "Winning Days"; and it made me want to go

so I could walk around a place that has grass and trees and streams and actual fucking nature

not just sand and spikey plants and mean, poisonous wildlife

but too late now

the tickets have been bought, and the deal has passed; it's too expensive to buy me a ticket now

se la vi

damnit

I went back and edited some of my lyrics so they sound better

surprisingly; there was only two measely lines out of all my songs that needed editting

now they sound much better

hopefully everyone else will think so

who knows?

"with your feet on the air and your head on the ground..."

Sweet Dreams