|
"Daydream Believer" 2004-05-08 - 3:25 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj things are weird tonight I had a long and varied day and the fact that I spent pretty much 90% of it with my sister and had a good time is really astounding ...that's not a joke I don't know, I suppose I'll go through my day in my livejournal, give it some much needed substance and I'll talk about my feelings in here I don't know I rented Onimusha 3 today and I love it more than I love taffy etc., etc. the only reason I [forced myself to]stop playing it is that I really don't want to beat it the first night I rent it I want this one to last but it's put me into kind of a weird place real life is just so boring compared to all that fighting monsters with magic weapons how can real life compete with that? sometimes I just can't stand it I remember the first time I played through Silent Hill 2 it was one of the best experiences of my life for the time I was playing, it was like I stepped through a doorway into some fantastic other world I became this other person; thinking as him, seeing things as him experiencing everything as if I were physically there Brett was long gone and... it was amazing just go back and read the entries from when I was playing it, roughly this one to this one; [if you actually do, just try and ignore all that other shit I was saying, I was pretty screwed up back then] hell, sometimes I go back and read them just to try and remember that feeling I remember actually trying to rationalize seeing the monsters in my head telling myself that they didn't matter, the only thing that mattered was seeing my wife, I had to see my wife she came back from death for this; and I would not lose her again I mean, how can worrying about finding a drummer for my band and explaining to my parents how I blew the opportunity to finally get a job compete with that? sometimes it gets so hard to accept reality that it's physically painful last night as I was laying in bed trying to sleep, I started to imagine myself as a character on a tv show I watch how I would interact with the other characters, and how I would leave as the series wrapped up and it was just so vivid when the CD I was listening to ended and I had to get up to change it, it was like crashing back into my body it was hard to tell myself that all of that wasn't real; to try and remember all the shit in my actual life to tell myself that was reality it made me sad that happens to me a lot I just can't stand how dull real life is go to school, get a job, get married, raise kids, grow old and die it terrifies me the only thing I can do to cope is just play a lot of video games, and read my books and watch my movies and try to think as little as possible about real life I don't think I could handle it otherwise I don't know how you guys can handle looking at reality all the time well, I suppose some of you drink or do drugs make your little escapes that way but I don't want that some nonsensical acid trip, or a "rose colored glasses" view of things until it wore off I want samurai swords and monsters this whole "reality" thing just isn't for me I don't know how you guys do it Sweet Dreams � � |