"Same Shit, Different Day" 2004-04-25 - 2:33 a.m.

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so I went and saw Kill Bill Vol. 2 again today

looooove that movie

that's one of the few movies that when I have to pee halfway through, I'll hold it the whole damn time; even through all three versions of the credits

didn't see Stephanie though

what should I say?

for some reason I feel really shitty tonight

mostly just lonely I think

and dissapointed in myself, and what I'm doing with my life

fucking Gabby

why did she have to quit?

I'm so confident in my band; and so dependant on it for everything

and it's just stagnating because we can't find a fucking drummer

it's really driving me crazy

*sigh*

that's not the only problem though

just more of the same shit I bitch about constantly

"I have no friends"

"I have no job"

"My band doesn't have a drummer"

"I'm so fucking lonely"

"my life is going nowhere fast"

stupid fucking seratonin levels

I don't know

sometimes I think, "if I had a choice" y'know?

like, if I could choose between imbalanced seratonin levels, with these fucking depressions, and be me

or normal seratonin levels, and be a happy, well-adjusted normal kid

every fucking time I would choose imbalanced

I wonder if before I was created, my soul was put before God, and He asked:

"do you want to be tortured and creative, or happy and mundane?"

I know I said "tortured" without a second thought

I suppose that's being a bit theatrical, but fuck it

I've got an overactive imagination

I just have to grit my teeth and keep saying: "it'll get better someday, it'll get better someday, it'll get better someday"

because if it doesn't, what's the bloody point?

I'm going to turn 20 in 6 months,

what am I going to do with all this teen angst I've got?

Sweet Dreams

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