"Mr. Chainsaw" 2004-04-09 - 12:24 a.m.

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I found out today that 'Hellboy' is the #1 movie in the country, while 'The Passion' has fallen to #5

the irony is delicious

so if you missed the entry I had up here earlier but have now deleted; I called in sick to work today

fuck it

I don't particularly care

I don't want to go to work tomorrow, though

honestly, the job sucks

I'll just have to think about Kill Bill Vol. 2 and sing 'Armageddon' to myself and try not to think too hard about what I'm doing

I've been listening to that Alkaline Trio CD I bought almost constantly for the past two days

I don't know why; but for some reason I just started listening to the whole thing and now I can't stop

I don't know

I had to cancel band practice tonight, because I didn't have the gas/gas money to drive downtown; and couldn't get it from my parents

that kind of pisses me off, because I really want to play music

we've got a drummer now; and we can really start going

our goal is to be playing shows by the end of the month

I think we can do it

and I can't wait

I just.. love to play music;

love the feeling of having lyrics come out of my mouth in a melodic way

the way they vibrate in my vocal cords when I'm really singing

I love feeling the strings through my pick,

love the way the frets feel underneath my fingers

it's just...

if I couldn't do it I don't know what I'd do

and I need to start doing it again

the way it sounds with the bass and the drums behind me

[physically, not in an "I'm the frontman" kind of way; I usually wind up with my back to them in the practice room]

it's such an indescribable feeling when we really do it right

and if we can do it right in front of other people...

I only hope it feels as good as it does in my dreams

see, I can still be deep(ish)

Sweet Dreams

When was it that you lost your youth or traded

It for something more for them to use so jaded

Why is it that you never said

I love you more than just a friend

I pray this gridlock never ends

And when we get there just depends

I found out recently that you are leaving

For good I hope I softly tell my ceiling

It's better now to be alive

Sleeping is my 9 to 5

I'm having nightmares all the time

Of running out of words that rhyme

Everything that you could never say

Would never matter anyway

I took a hammer and two nails to my eardrums long ago

Before that steak knife took my eyes

I looked up to the sky

For the last thing I would ever see

For the last time I cried

When was it that you sold your life or wasted

Every bite of that small slice you never tasted

I guess I should be one to talk

There's nights that I can't even walk

There's days I couldn't give a fuck

And in between is where I'm stuck

From blocks away I heard somebody screaming

That small child inside of you that you left bleeding

You stabbed him up not once but twice

Cubicles will now suffice

Some say it's the roll of the dice

I think they're wrong I know I'm right

Every breath that I could barely breathe

Could barely make it past my teeth

I took a blowtorch to both of my lungs a long, long time ago

Every step that i could take

Every one more difficult to make

Mr. Chainsaw came and took my legs a long, long time ago

In case you're wondering I'm singing about growing up about giving in

In case you're wondering we're singing about growing up

About giving up and giving in

-Mr. Chainsaw

Alkaline Trio